幸福，其实可以很简单。

突然间安静了下来，还真的会有一点不习惯，虽然你只来了8天。
开心的时刻总是过的特别快，你又得回去了。
想着想着，才发觉到，
我要的幸福，其实可以很简单。

还记得那时你陪我一同来到了这陌生的地方，陪着我，好让我稳定下来。
你带着我，帮我买下我需要用到的日常用品，包括厨房及卧室的用品。
好奇的我，问了你为什么要买手电筒， 你说你知道我怕黑暗，所以买了一个放在床边，如果停电时，不必慌张，随手就可以拿得到。

一转眼，6个月后，你又在一次来到英国来看我，陪我。
知道吝啬，不舍得花钱的我，你一直都带着我去吃好的，帮我买许多食物存着，在我电话卡里存了一些钱，还带我去shopping。
我不让你乱花钱，但你却只说，没关系，有我在，我可以support你，帮你买些你想要的东西。
虽然我的blackberry 不见了，但是你买了iphone 给我。我也没有怪你把它弄丢。我真的没有生气，只是有一些不舍得那个电话，毕竟已经用了2年多，有感情。

今天，我再一次送你去机场，把你送走。
打开我的包包里，看到了batterypack。
我问你，为什么把它带了出来？因为包包会重。
你说因为iphone的battery 不能last得很久，带在身上，以防电话没电时可以马上充电。

我的幸福，可以没有华丽的衣裳，很多名贵的包包，每天大鱼大肉。
有你在我身边，我就可以在你小小的一举一动里，感到满满的幸福。

突然觉得我做得不够好，我得好好努力才行。=）

153天后，我们再见。



爱你的，
laobi. xoxo =)

 

气球

气球，自由自在地飘着。
你，就像是那个气球，
随风而飘。

我，提着缎带，
看着气球，
随着我的手而动了起来。

看着你，被我拉下来，
又慢慢的，飘回上去。

我觉得你好漂亮，好轻盈的飘动着。
我好羡慕你得自在，好想你一直陪在我身边，我好开心。

可是，又会觉得我限制了你的自由，
操控了你的方向。

我犹豫不决，
始终放不了。

我该怎么做才好?
该把你留在我身边，让我们一起去探索，
还是，一手把你放开？

Keep Calm

There's no point crying over spilled milk. What you really should do, is to stay composed and find the best solution to the problem. Keep calm.

Feeling better today, perhaps i was quite busy running from one class to another, from one practice room to the next, it actually stopped me from thinking the unnecessary. Its better to find something to focus on in the mean time.

I'm waiting for the right time, to do the right thing. One day i could proudly say this: well, at least i've tried my best.

There's really no point mopping around outside. But i know, sometimes you just cant control what your heart feels. I must stay compose, still go on with what i need to do everyday, while have faith, trust God, and be patient.

Its doing the right thing at the right time. At least i now know what mistakes i've made, and i know how i can better now.

True or False

I've heard so many different things from different people.
I'm in a very confused state now. There are just so many question marks i wish i could find answers to them.
I wish i could talk to you, and really try to understand what you want, what u meant by those words.
But i know when i tried, you'll just escape it, not wanting to answer them by telling me not to confuse you.
Are you stressed out and mad right now that you just dun want to think about whats going on, or you've made up your mind but you dont dare to tell me the truth?

I wish there's something i can still hold on to, a small tiny hope, that one day, we'll be okay.
Am i just fooling myself? I really dont know what is right, whats not, and what is true and whats fake.
I'm drowning....

Beautiful

One of those nights, when you woke up from your sleep, disrupted sleep.
No, it wasnt nightmares, it wasnt sad dreams.

I dreamt of you, us, our past, our dreams, our future.
It was so beautiful, i was supposed to wake up from them, smiling...
but all i felt were heartaches, sadness, regrets.

It was so beautiful, i thought they were real.

I woke up crying, with sadness, with regrets.
hugged my pillow so tightly to ease the pain in my chest,
and then, i fell back into sleep, again...

that cycle repeated for at least 5 times in one night...
the pain...


it was so beautiful, so real...



but you are crying...

When it crawls up on you

The fear for silence has never been greater before. When it crawls up on you, it suffocates you with its delicate and caressing touch. Entering slowly, just like the smoke onto the performing stage, it eats you up without you noticing, without you realizing. And the next thing you know, you cant breathe, your heart hurts. You're fighting against the pain, fighting so hard against it but to no avail. You know you'll lose no matter how hard you try. Why try anyway? Perhaps it'll get weaker and weaker by each day, and finally you'll be able to win the battle?

Don't kid yourself, child.

They say, time will heal all wounds, no matter how deep and long they are.
If i'm an inventor, i'd invent a kind of pill to stop the pain, for i, know how devastating it can be, how it can kill one, from the inside, out.

Mask, pretty masks.
We need them, we wear them. To hide, to perform, to show the world, what we want to hide from others.
She may seem alright from the outside, but no one would knows how much she's hurting behind those smiles, behind the masks she puts up every single day.

The fear for silence, the fear of time.
The use of mask, and to hide the pain with a smile on the face.


Let the dust settle...
but i wonder, how long will it take...
what will we see after the dust has finally settled?



Save me...


please...

The Odds

Is it too naive to think that a LDR can last for 4 years? I cant help but keep wondering what are the odds if we did not choose to take different roads two nights ago. Previously i kept telling myself, just bear with whatever that happens until march, and when we see each other, we'll be able to sort things out. Distance is the killer for all efforts. Perhaps, seeing each other wouldnt worsen the matter and situation? Lets say we managed to pass thru this year without breaking up, what are the odds again for the next year? the following years that we are going to be apart?

Is it true that no matter what, this relationship is doomed, not to last?

It was a painful move to make. But i cant hurt you anymore. Things will worsen if anyone of us is unhappy, which we will then affect each other. I was forced to let go. I'd take the suffering, in change for your freedom, your happiness.

I believe my weight is dropping drastically now, started from last week, up til an extend i was shocked when i looked at myself in the mirror this morning while getting dressed up to go school. I looked like a cancer patient. Thats when i know, thats the limit! I forced myself to eat even when i dont feel like eating. My body needs the energy more, especially now, during winter.

I know i must take care of myself. No more being immature. I'm responsible for myself. So what if i starve myself? so what if i became too thin and skinny? nobody's going to pity me. You're not going to care anymore, i know. No matter how much i feel like throwing up the food that i've stuffed into my mouth, i'll still make myself swallow it down. Love yourself, before loving other people. if you dont, nobody's going to love you.

No matter how hard it takes, i'll force myself to walk thru, even if it hurts...

i wish the best, for you... 只要你幸福，快乐，我什么都可以无所谓。

thank you, for the most beautiful dream i've ever had so far.

后悔，太迟。。。

也许，放手，你会更快乐。
现在的我，很后悔。
如果我可以早点领悟，早点改，
也许，今天的我们，就不会分离。

这次需付出的代价，太大了。
是否要失去你，我才会学习？
一切的一切，我后悔，太迟了。。。

Not an issue

Perseverance is gold. Master it, and you'll not do thing that you'll regret.

忍声吞气，你要知道，生气的时候，什么东西都看起来是错的。
忍着，不要意气用事，做或讲一些你冷静下来后会后悔的东西。
我忍，脾气不好的我，没有安全感的我，没有办法。
再生气，再难过，都一定要忍。
忍一忍，海阔天空，而且事情并没有想像得那么糟。
信任，是别人给你的，也是你给你自己，与别人的。
相信自己，是你的，就是你的，不是你的，有一天也会离你而去。
再气，再难过，忍一忍，就会过去的。
没有什么是难忍的。


Trust Yourself.