Its not all about that...

Slowly picking up the pace that i used to have for blogging..realise that if i dont do so, i'll have totally nothing much to do..but of coz its still depending if i have pictures to share, if not it'll sure be another boring, picture-less post again...

kinda free lately, after a very much tightly packed schedule for the past few months, exams, convocations, reschedule of my working timetable and others...so now finally its time for me to stop and breathe before i move forward again..but i guess this short break wont last for too long.. speaking of which i'm rather upset that i couldnt find time to leave for a short vacation. a very much needed vacation in fact..its always hard to compromise between my schedule with others...when i have breaks he's always busy..when he's finally free i couldnt take leave either..sigh...and my mom is going to Thailand for a short trip...sad...she never mentioned to me before, assuming that i couldnt leave as i'll need to work on weekends..weekends are my busiest days if u havent already know...so now which leaves me with two option...only take leave end of the year like in december maybe as i have students which will be going for exams in November..or maybe later i'm not sure...the other option would be, to go without anyone but myself..but then again, where i should i go to??


just thought of sharing some of the happenings lately...before i update about my convo..

dated back sometime ago really..i think in June, where after work me and bi went to Paddington House of Pancakes for dinner...


abit dissappointed with this crepe actually..i think their pancakes dishes are way nicer..

then end of June, went over to terengganu to attend Eddy's bro's wedding.

Wedding dinner venue

the guy whos not so sober...according to him he was very happy so he drank alot..social with the relatives and all..

after we were send back to the Hotel, we went out again for supper after changing into something more comfortable..then went back to hotel, initial plan was to chit chat by the seaside but it was rather unsafe for us to do so as we saw many mat rempits coming towards, so we quickly went back to the hotel compound, found us a safe, and well lit area to sit down n chat...which later on we were joined by some uncle who is the drummer for another band during the wedding dinner...went to bed quite late that night...so me and bi were sharing the same room with Yaw and Eunice..we thought of joining all the beds together..i dunno why they place the beds in a weird manner. it was a queen size bed in the middle and flank by two super singles at each side..so in the afternoon after the tea ceremony and lunch we went back to the hotel, and already moved the queen to one of the super single...and guess what we found under the bed..one side of a pair of socks, used tissues, some ball thingy, hairs, and of coz, dusts...so Yaw went to the reception to borrow a broom and a dustpan, and u know what the receptionist asked? :" oh you tolak itu mattress aaahh?"... which means they KNEW that they sweep all the dirt under the bed...and then that was not even the BEST part yet..until at night when Eunice suggested that to join the other super single together so me and Eddy dun need to cramp on one super single...and so we started to move the bed...and now guess what we found under the bed????? 5 OR MORE DEAD COCROACHES!!!!! all terbalik on their backs...hahahaha...so that bed was left there all alone, as a place for us to put our luggage...but it wasnt that cramp la coz we're used to sleeping with only a single bed back in cheras...so a super single for us is like a treat...lolz...

but we had quite a great stay at the hotel, minus the surprises we found under the beds la...other wise all areas are quite clean actually..=) and they have a hair dryer too next to the dressing table, like the ones we see in toilet hotels..

n then we were brought to Eddy's dad's dusun...in the afternoon together with some of his relatives coz their flight back to KL was delayed so Eddy's mom planned something for them and we just tagged along

DragonFruit

i didnt know it was that big of an area...even eddy have not been there before.

then we busied ourselves with plenty of fruits...Nangka, dragonfruits and jagung...all were super sweet and nice...=)

that day, we left Terengganu after dinner...

My new love..=)

Longchamp Eifel Tower...bi got it for me as our Anniversary pressie

then we went out for dinner date..

guess where we went??

I'm sure those of u who been there before, by looking at this pic u'll know where is it...its No Black Tie

Being silly

bi know how much i love Japanese food, salmon sashimi especially..so he brought me there for dinner...but actually..i was CHEATED!

my tempura soba

bi's chicken Katsu with rice...this is really nice...compared to mine which is nothing special


and they serve the best French Fries!!! seriously!!!

then we ordered green tea icecream...super nice!!! bi wanted black glutinous ice cream but its not available..

now....why did i mentioned that i was cheated...coz that fella...did not tell me that he planned to stay for that night's performance...he did not even mentioned about it at all...and i kept bugging him to go back which he did eventually, unwilling as i need to work early the next day, not to mention that i was already very tired...

me: "how long do you plan to stay for this?"

him: " awhile la.."

so after that only i found out that his AWHILE IS one set of the performance..which was about slightly less than AN HOUR....

its not that i did not enjoyed the performance...but i did not planned for all of that after a very long day..and before dinner i asked him what other plans do we have after dinner...and he said:" NOTHING LO...HOME..."...so that was how we celebrated our anniversary....

a busy weekend..rushing up and down for photo session...

had ppl done make up for me...i look like malay...why???

this is more like me....

initially had the mood for blogging...n suddenly someone called and spoiled it...spoiled my mood for everything...

night.....

Its just another one of those days

Yes i'm emo-ing...didnt pretend that i'm not coz i just wanna emo..happy?? not too many happy days lately, but why should i even start counting it? where i should be looking at the happy moments i had instead? yea whatever...sometimes i'm too busy with work that i just couldnt be bothered anymore..seriously...begin to think that i'm just wasting my time..what will come will come eventually...

i think i've mastered a skill these few days..i can now control my temper better, especially when i'm upset, angry...it didnt take me long to back to normal again...say like half an hour to one?? good one...maybe its a sign...

went for shopping therapy today during work time. sneak some time out to went to shop..women...shopping therapy heals any heartaches really...no i should rephrase that...shopping therapy basically heals anything on women...except for their bank accounts and purses...was just telling my boss that i dun have anywhere to go coz i dun have anything to shop..sien with MV d actually..lolz..patutlah...i'm there 3 days a week...then suddenly i remembered the Topshop staff told me the other day that this friday they're having 30% n 50% sales...so i thought i would just hop over to take a look...but i went into Miss Selfridge first instead...massive sale lo i tell you...too bad i dont have my very own Fashion Fast Forward card..they were giving extra 10% off on top of discounted items, just for today!!!!!!! tell me...is there any reason not to shop??? i think i kinda went abit crazy...running my eyes thru every racks n hangers...especially those on discounts...but nothing much that i like...nothing suits my working schedule now...*sad* so i eyed a pair of shorts which is on half price, and another uber cute jumper which is on 30% off...almost got the jumper...but i think it was a lil bit too short for me...the only size 8 there...luckily i didnt buy it...coz later on i went over to Topshop...massive i tell you...if i just had more time...i think i would ended up buying more...but anyways...i still managed to get myself a top that i've tried before few months ago..in Feb i think?? which is also the last size8..wanted to try but no time as i need to rush back to centre to teach...*yes i'm a crazy shoppaholic* *actually i beg to differ..not that crazy la...* n so..i bought it without trying it...wasnt that cheap..but i like it..n its on discount..so...what the heck!!!! i earn my money i think i deserve to pamper myself...


typing out my shopping experience today just made me a lil happy now...see i told ya..shopping therapy is the best medicine for women...=D

now...i'm confused on which Longchamp should i get...should i just get a normal one so i can really use it seeing the fact that i'm such a lousy person in taking care of bags...on my record, the Charles n Keith its spoilt (less than half a year, oh wait..its already half a year!!!), and the Longchamp Eifel Tower's edges is abit worn out..i just realise that few days ago when i was looking for my hp, attending convocation briefing..n mind you..that bag is not even A MONTH OLD YET!!!!!!

but on the other hand, buying something so common on the streets doesnt make me feel special..lolz...but if i'm going to buy something different than others, that means in the end i'm spending my money buying something which i will end up not using it too often as i'm afraid i'll damage it...
WHY THE DILLEMA~!!!!!!

n now i'm worried that Longchamp doesnt come out Le Pliage series with the colour Rosaly anymore!!! gosh i hate them...then what colour shall i get???


die la.cant sleep yet...=( need to wake up early 2mr..its the big day but i dun feel like it...why???!!! aih...oh yea...someone just spoiled my mood...*trying hard to channel my upset mood* right...

hmmmmmm..............................



now looking back at what i've just written...its all about shopping....i'm doomed.....=)

Love. Cherish.

why do we have to lose something to know how to treasure it? why cant we treasure it while we still have it? in the past, i've hurt so much from seeing people i care, i love, doesnt care or love themselves by doing all the stupid and childish things, wasting their time and life...after so many times, lesson learnt..and so i thought i have...but maybe i'm just too fragile? that once again i'm going thru the same ol' feelings that i once had...feeling very sad seeing someone doing things to hurt himself. maybe its just a phase in life where everyone will go thru..afterall, who am i to say anything? to judge? or to comment? just hope that things will be better soon that he'll find the lighted path in the dark. its just too pity to say it that we're nothing like before. back to times where we were once strangers, when we didnt even know each other. but anyhow, i still wanna thank you, for walking into my life, start poking me in FB...and that was how we got to know each other. and people around me were telling me to stay away from this weird stranger...but somehow i knew u were different from the others. Different in ways that no words could describe.. If u feel the need to find a listener, you know i'm always there for ya. So, take care now, my friend.

Buying things to reward oneself often not as rewarding as seeing the smile on the face of the people u love when they get a lil something from you.. its the thought that counts, how true. i guess thats another way of showing a lil something to someone u care..

I finally have to admit that, i think its better to not see or have something u love so dearly with you all the time, becoz that way u'll even appreciate it more than ever.

Good Night.

Just Another Tuesday...

Its another week of the year...my days are almost like routine now...work, home, sleep, wake up, lepak, work..the cycle repeats itself day after day...quite glad that i'm still pursuing my vocal, piano and violin studies even after i graduated...i finally realise how much more interesting my life is studying while working...but of coz..i've cut alot on social life...mostly i'm too busy with work, or i'm too tired after work, or i have to work on my studies during my free time...to be honest, i'm quite sad..but slowly i'm getting used to it...it's not a bad thing afterall...some point i'll be thinking whats the point of me working my ass off every week, and in the end the pay wasnt that rewarding, but still thats what i gotta do to make ends meet...but slowly i find the most rewarding part is when i see my students progress after awhile..and working with them, growing with them...

I've mentioned in two posts ago that i'll be joining AYC this year..but unfortunately, my convocation clashes with it..after much consideration..i've decided to stay back for my convo...but still..i have a vocal concert coming up in Klang chinese school next month, where i'll be performing with another friend of mine, to help spread the art of music among younger generations..its the music sharing and experience that i'll be getting makes me look forward to it, although there's alot of preparation coming ahead as we still havent finalize our repetoire yet...

suddenly heard the recording of the Beethoven Concerto No.2 that i played for my Jury4 back in UCSI when i was bout to leave my teacher's house...suddenly just realise that i miss that piece alot...also brings back the memory when i was stuck in Jeju coz i was quarantined there for AH1N1...hahhaa..such memories..

Next month onwards i'm going to have lesser time for myself..as i'll be working 6 days in a week..which means i really have to work my ass out, to be more hardworking, find any time possible to practise...i'm hoping that i can sit for my LTCL piano next year..the other day when i was visiting my grandma at my uncle's house, i tried to played Fantasie Impromtu there coz there's a score there..but stuck all the way..sigh...i think my hands are not working well as they used to be...well coz i didnt really practise nowadays..better start catching back before i totally lose the hang of it..hahahah...and i plan to pick up once again all the pieces that i've played before, so i can teach my students better...in the process now but i'm sure it'll take a very very long time..hahahahahah...

k la..just wanna talk abit...need to go practise my violin d...

bye...

Bits and Bits

i know its been too long since my last photo update...coz there's not much of nice pics to upload and share...and yes coz i'm lazy..my cam isnt functioning as well as it used to be..hence the less pics moments in my life...i've been carrying them all around with me..it always in my handbag..but i just couldnt find an occasion to bring it out to snap pics..maybe i've lost the passion for taking pics like how i used to??


new member to my family...adores her...

likes to stick around is humans...

small cat with huge volume..hahaha

@ MV Delicious for Eunice and Dennis's Birthday Surprise dinner..

Thats Eunice and the blurred face is Yaw..

With frens attending Choral Workshop in KLPac few weeks ago..

The Dithyrambic Singers with Mr. Branko Stark..our group(Adult)'s instructor..

Random pic of me...going out to watch the Finals of Library Got Talent..to support Juanophobia

Dinner at Marche...first time there before we head over to Library...maybe i'm stupid..i didnt know clamfish is "lala"...i thought it was some sort of fish and so i ordered this..but it tasted quite good..haha

Our food..of coz these are not just all..before Victor arrived to join us, we both left the table to order more food..with our drinks still at the table, mine barely touched...and when we came back..the staff pandai pandai cleared our table..=_______= so in the end we sat at another place coz our tables are occupied by other people...


monday after Vocal exam..went kai kai in 1U with dennis and eddy...after that headed home without dinner...

but we ordered a feast to our home...

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Set for two...we didnt know there's so much food..

*slowly unfolding the package and look into the huge bag*
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this much of food for two person...can die..

of coz..in the end we didnt managed to finish all of it...garlic bread remained untouched, and ended up in the rubbish bin..side dishes werent's finished entirely..but we were too stuffed...

nah let u see our food..

last week me and my family went to Sunway Chong Qing steamboat for dinner, early celebration of Father's day...the ice cream selection they had that day was veru special...Durian, Peach, Honeydew Sago and Vanilla Strawberry...reminds me of my good ol' days back in primary schu..still remember the days we ran out of the school gate to buy the rm1 icecream cone from the motorcycle uncle who sells icecream? good ol' days...=D

nothing much to talk about...

sometimes i realize people tend to forget who they really are..in the process of getting people's influence..we can let others influence us in many ways..the way we dress, the way we behave, the way we bring ourselves...but at the end of the day we must not forget bout who we really are..to be someone special, to be you, u can take influences from other people, on things u like, and to infuse it into YOU..which makes u someone special, and not some desperate or loser Wannabe...

Good day..

bye...

Greatness

Dunno what to do now so decided to blog a lil...feel like sleeping but dont want to..dunno is it coz i'm used to sleeping late..even when i'm tired i'll still online or watch pps before going bed...how unhealthy..but there were times when i just came back from work and just crash on bed...thats when u know i hit my limits...hhahaha..like today...finished teaching at 5.30pm..but it was heavy rain..so decided to stay back awhile, same time to "po pet" with my lady boss...like hanging out with her..she's cool..as an employer..also a cool mom to her kids..damn funny la the whole family..thats why so far that is the place that i love to work...coz i'm happy working there..left MV around 6.30...reached home at 8pm...due to rain..everywhere was trafic heavy...and by the time i got home i'm so moody and exhausted..i unload all my things and crashed on my bed...didnt even went out for dinner so i asked my mom to tapao for me instead..so i had my dinner around 9 something..lolz...

almost done with my unpacking and settling back at home...just very lil clothes left to be decided if i still wanna keep them or give them away...and there's still an ikea bagful of books and whats not...sitting in my attic...sien everytime i see it when i come out of my room..will tend to that later..now my room's not that messy compared to few weeks ago..but i still have many things lying around in every corner of my room..now i just only can wait for my mom to take away her clothes from my wardrobe so i can arrange my things properly...and to buy cabinet if i need more..speaking of which...the new build-in-wardrobe has been fixed on today...but still need some finishing touches..will be done on monday..and still need a few more days for the smell to go away before able to put in anything inside the huge wardrobe.when i say huge..it is...its like i can play hide and seek by just hidding inside the wardrobe..and soon some of my performing dresses will be staying there coz my wardrobe is not long enough to fit them in...then next thing to worry about are my shoes..i have MANY MANY pairs of shoes!!!!!! and mom said next time my shoe rack will be in the attic...good and bad..coz there'll be my private shoe rack, storing only my shoes..but i'll have to climb up and down to take the shoes la...but heck..dont care la...hahahha...


talking bout greatness in my life...work has been better than i've expected..employers have been very kind with me due the amount of leave that i'll be taking in this coming two months...lolz..coz next weekend i'll be attending a Choral Symposium Workshop in KLPac together with few friends of mine...and end of the month i'll be going up to Terengganu to attend Bi's bro's wedding...So there's already two weekends...and i'm working on weekends..so i already found people to replace my classes for me...and then in the following month, I'll be away to Philipines to participate in Asian Youth Choir..something like a camp i supposed...held annually in different Asia countries..and i'll be away for about slightly less than two weeks...so now i'm really worrying about my classes...well its actually a good news to me..accepted into AYC2010. things has been going quite well for me...apart from getting flying colors for my studies...hopefully everything will be better and better and better...=)


I think i'll be rather busy til September...having vocal competition, vocal and violin exams coming up, concerts, and AYC...sure will be another interesting year for me..=)

I feel really really bad from taking money from others so that i could participate in AYC in july..but thats a really good opportunity that i shall not miss...sigh...a million thanks to my parents and Bi for sponsoring me for this trip...to make everything possible for me..

Btw..lately i've been window shopping alot...what to do..no money la..super broke coz i've spend alot on books...hopefully this coming month will be better..lolz..i think i'm in love with Topshop and Zara...LOVE LOVE LOVE their clothes~~~!!!!!! especially ZARA...the heels and clothes~~~!!!!!!!!!! everytime i went in i'm sure to spot at least a few items that i would really die for...on Wed, after teaching in Hartamas, me and Bi went over to MV..coz he got gig there so i went kai kai abit while waiting for him...Bi gave me money to shop...I went into ZARA..and omg...the heels...fab to the max!!!! and i've spotted the nicest nicest, prettiest Maxi Dress on earth..talking bout good quality fabric and the perfect cutting and fitting...thats a dress that i really would die for...hahaha..but its way way expensive...u know la..i'm super "kiam" when it comes to shopping..you wont see a designer tee in my closet..coz thats a huge NO No for me..haha..people who dont really know me will think that i'm a rich gal, everything on me are branded stuff...Sorry to disappoint you.. but u are WRONG~~!!!! i have ciplak things..many in fact...ahhahaa..the most expensive bag that i own is a replica Burberry bag...Rm250..and god knows why on earth did i spend so much on a fake bag...i was stupid back then..but i tell you..even its fake.. it's really good in quality.. leather handles, and the fabric was really nice and tough...i've been using it for two years straight..that was the only handbag that i used for a very long period of time in a long stretch...and til now..it still look like new...although it had a few food stain..water stains from rain and i-dunno-whatelse...but it still look pretty new..hahahaha...the second bag that i've used a long time was a mustard yellow Hobo from Vincci...or Padini..whichever la...that bag...went to Korea and many more places with me...just that as time pass i have more things to carry around with me and that bag could no longer hold all my necessities..and that pun cost less than RM90...hahhaa..then now the one i'm using now is a Tote from Charles and Keith...so far my fav shop for heels and bags..i got it from bi as a Valentines day pressie...even though its not cheap..but the quality isnt that good..compared to the replica Burberry..less than half a year, the pvc or skin or whatever are torn from all of the edges...quite heartache lo..i've just been using it for less than half a year...is it coz i'm too careless, didnt really take good care of the bag?? sigh...the most i've spend so far on heels is a pair from Charles and Keith as well..well coz i needed something thats not too feminine nor too tough...something neutral so i can match with all of my outfits..that costs me about Rm100 plus...thats the most expensive pair that i own...yes i may have many pairs of shoes and heels, but the charles and keith one is the most practical one..lolz...quite comfy considering the height..well coz its a pair fo wedges..lolz..

lately been wanting to buy a Longchamp..still thinking if i should..well the price is still affordable la...so i just need to save some money first before considering on spending on what...lolz...well..i'm back to online shopping again...lolz..dunno why.suddenly got the mood and i've seen some nice clothes on blogshops...and the price is acceptable..well i'm Kiam..i admit..hahaha...btw...i've finally got a pair of leggings...for RM20 only!!! from cotton on..lolz...the perfect one that i've been looking for...sometimes i really love Cotton On..u'll get suprises shopping there..hahahah


k la..i think i wanna watch a lil bit of PPS before sleep..lately i've found some nice series to watch..Gossip Girl sien d..always so dramatic..Desperate Housewives pun didnt really follow d dunno why...been hooked up to Taiwan 女人我最大，饭团之家，and The Good Wife...a some Hongkong series as usual...Thursday night been watching 饭团之家，cried so much til my eyes were swollen the next day...hahahhaa..its funny and touching la..hahahhaa

ok bye...
*abrupt end*

Dont Care Anymore

Sometimes it just makes me wonder..why do i care so much bout something when someone else even care much...i tried my best to do things to accomodate so both parties will be happy bout the outcome..and what i get in return? i never asked for a moutain of gold or whatsoever for what i have done..but just simply allocate time for me...sometimes its really upsetting..that one rather go do something else which will benefit him on money wise, rather than to accompany me, watching my rehearsals...and on the other hand, i was there every week, i tried to be there as much as i can coz i know how much it means to him...even though i have nothing to do there but just sit and wait for time to pass...coz thats one of the ways we can get to see each other more...so thats something i did for us...and sometimes i really wish that i can have someone next to me, just accompany me half a day or something...but it never did happen...money comes first, other priority comes first...i tried not to end up both of us living our own lifes with no common places between us...but i guess it wouldnt be long til that happen...yes i am selfish in a way that i hope i can have more time with you...but i guess we didnt have that same thinking and opinion...


i really find it pointless sometimes to say something out, which in the end we'll only end up fighting, as it is not worth it at all seeing the fact that we're meeting up lesser and lesser each time...might as well i just keep quiet, you continue doing whatever you like, and i try not to be bothered by it, and try to spend more time doing my own things rather thinking all ways all the time on how to meet up as often as we can...coz it seems to be kinda useless and fruitless..and i'm only experiencing disappoinment over and over again..but i keep quiet...coz its not up to say what u can and what u cant do..what you should or shouldnt do...

so..i'll just keep quiet....

wonder how long rainbow will last...
好景不长在。。。

Bursting flames of Stress...

hmmm..first week of my new life..nothing too different, except the fact that i'm just no longer a student anymore...what makes it more real for me is when i went to uni to complete and send in the "Completion Form" yesterday, they took back my student I.D. , which means i can no longer enjoy students rates tickets...kinda sad la...but what to do...the most challenging part is the teachings on mondays...well i guess it was rather alot of info to cope with coz all are sitting for exams, but not ABRSM board, instead its Triniti board, which i totally know nuts bout it..but thanks to a few new student, they tell me what and how the previous teacher teach them so i can continue the progress...and i really wanna thank the previous teacher who taught them...thank you so much for the student progress report that u have made for me..i makes taking over the students an easier task...but still i think i dont really know how to handle the special student..well its my first time experiencing this..and i really wish i can know how to cope with it as soon as i can..so monday is coming again..i'm scared...really...hahaha...

okay..actually i wanted to talk blog about something two weeks back..well i was really busy with my grad recital..and lets recap..things werent that pretty back then when so many things happened at a time..its a lil too much to take at one time..let alone digesting it and solving it...i think i was in a huge deal of stress, talk about high level of stress that i was coping at that time..so right after my recital..i had to rushed over to Hartamas to teach, then rushed over to Chinese Assembly Hall for concert rehearsals...that day was really a crazy day for me..no time to stop and think or look..just keep going and going and going...imagine i had bi tapaoed maggi goreng for me around 4 something..but i only had the time to eat in the car around 6 something while on our way to the rehearsals location...and i think since there i started to let loose..then i started to feel that my throat itch..and the next thing i know when on the way home from rehearsals...i fell sick...flu, cough, throat ithcy, fever...everything...but i thought it was just the aircond that made me feel sick so i didnt bother much that night..the next day..went out with Chloe and bi to kai kai and lunch...you can basically see my sick face...and i almost lost my voice...at such a crucial time that i have concert that night and the next...i took panadols to suppress the sickness..and went for the concert..at first i decided not to perform coz i have quartet the next day...weighing the importance..but in the end i felt better and so i went for it...but after concert ended..i was sick..i guess it didnt went away..what went away was the panadol effect...so my frens got me something to eat coz i didnt take dinner due to the late lunch and fever..i only had a butter bun, marble cake and milk...and i went to bed early while they went supper...and Jo was so kind to give me her bottle of honey..i need to have a good throat to be able to sing that night...and chloe kept making me honey drink...and she made me down 500ml of it at one go..hahaha...so the next day..bi was upset with me for not wanting to go to the doctors...but in the end i went coz i didnt get any better..after med i rested awhile before going to the concert venue...i felt better..but throat wasnt any good...i tried my very best to sing...i couldnt hit the right pitch..i'm outta pitch for the first time...and no voice..but i hope it was ok...mom brought her ex colleagues and the family to support...was extremely happy...and bi...why you tell my mom that i was sick...so overall it was alright..

then the next day gotta teach the entire day..so was on sunday...after teaching..i came back home.pack up some stuff..met up with my now employer...then off i went..to Terengganu...i swear to you sunday has never been better that day...i loved it...

you gotta handle your stress carefully..suitable amount of stress will drive you to success, but over stress only makes you break down...i'm sure everyone of us will have our own stress, things to be worried about that need to be taken care of...but do find time to unwind urself..destress...afterall..we're humans..not robots...we'll break down one day if we dont let loose..


p.s.: thank you so much to Jo, Chloe and Simli, especially Bi for taking care of me when i was sick...=) love you all..muahz..=D


good day everyone...=)
more working days for me...wish me luck..=)

Delusional

i think is a come back of me blogging once again...maybe this is a sign of loneliness, where i got not many people around me at all times now, especially frens..being at home now feels weird...normally for the past four years, i'm only at home on saturdays and sundays...and by sunday night i'm usually back to cheras..and every monday would be dreadful to me coz having to wake up for class in the morning...and monday kicked start yet another week in uni...that was the past...and now all i can do is reminisce all of it...it aint gonna happen for me anymore..unless i get a chance to further my studies in the future..of which i think it'll be even tougher having close to no familiar people around me...back then where going to school is almost a bad experience for me..simply of me being lazy to drag my ass to school, and wake up freaking early every morning..back then i was still thinking.."gosh...how many more years do i still need to have this kinda lifestyle..." back then i was stupid enough to wanting to get out of school and start working..earning money...and now..after 18 years of formal education..i'm officially a working adult...

still trying to get used to this new phase in life..i've been too comfortable with my surroundings for so many years..and now its time to get my lazy ass moving..to earn a living so i can make ends meet...dont even dare to think about having extra money to spend..i think i'll be a successful young adult simply by just having enough to make ends meet...that'll do for now..i still have classes now..just no longer in a school setting..and now i gotta bare all of the studying costs on my own...u wont believe that now i'm working my ass off simply just to try to pay for my classes..rather than to live a life...its tough but i still gotta start somewhere...just hope that it'll be alright..everything will be smooth-sailing..

its been two nights since i moved back to my own house..didnt want to sleep until i'm dead tired...if not i would just force myself to sleep, like last night...its different..its not gonna be the same anymore..having to wake up next to someone whom i wish i can see him at all times, like how it used to be for the past four months...it was a bliss but i didnt know things could be so hard..and sleeping and waking up to another day means i'm getting older..and it makes my life as a working adult something i couldnt not admit...yes i'm being purely delusional...this is a phase...life-changing setting..i'm still trying hard to accept it..let alone coping with it...

i kept thinking back about the small escapade that i had last week...how i wish i can have a longer holiday..to be able to rest well, enjoyed more before stepping into the society..coz once u do..there's no turning back..u'll need to be commited to whatever you do..no more days when you just dont feel like attending class so you think i can just skip it, stay at home or go out with frens...no more...if u skip ur work..its either u'll have a terible time sorting out the replacements for ur students..or u'll just have lesser pay...yup..my job is not a stable job...so i better pray super hard and do my best to teach with all my heart and effort, try my best to retain them as my students..or i'm dead..

well yesterday kicked started my new phase of life...that wasnt that bad as i worked at a place i'm familiar with...but later..i'm going to a new place, new surroundings, with new students and new people...just hope everything will turn out okay at least...new challanges today...just hope i can handle it nicely...and my very first time teaching violin..just hope i'll know what i'm doing later..*keep my fingers crossed tightly*

well on a brighter side..tomorrow i can go back to cheras..and i'll be there til saturday..thats at least something that i can look forward to...

okay...i'm going to try to prepare myself mentally and physically now..update later at night on how things goes for me...

ciaoz...

Thank you, Bi...

just came back from terengganu, reached cheras at about 3am...
a trip up north, was just what i really needed after a long, winding, tired path that i just been thru...talking bout leaving all the problems behind, and just go enjoy your life as though u dont belong in the city...it was heaven..trust me..it really was..i had a great time just by doing nothing, sitting at the beachside, watching the waves washed up the shores, enjoying the sea breeze late at night...just hanging around with my beloved and another fren of ours...
the three days in redang, i've been thinking alot..bout the past, mostly...what happened about a year ago that brought us together in the end, what had just happened lately that broke me into a million piece but still i gotta move on with my life, and i'm really glad to still have those that really stay by my side despite all that happened...to make myself realise that i shouldnt even be too upset about what had happened coz it all only proves to me, who are my true friends..and thanks to bi who sticked up for me when people start spreading things to my disadvantage, believes in me..thats when i trully see the true side of him...things might not be pretty always but i know he'll be right next to me at all times..i just went thru the hard way to see it...i've learnt to let go..to not care too much on things that doesnt worth me doing so...i think i'll be happier..but that doesnt change much of me for still wanting to treat other people as sincerely as i can, with all my heart..i must know...we shouldnt expect the exact effort that we give others..if one who trully appreciates you, no matter what u'll still be willing to care for them coz you love them...but if one who doesnt, you dont even need to be sad about it coz u have done your part, and you certainly dont need to say goodbye, just leave..
it breaks me, always having to worry about how people think of me since all that happened..coz i do not know what others had said..and i try hard not to care anymore..if they really wanna be frens with me, no matter what others say...they wont judge...there's always two sides to a story..and dont worry i will no say much bout my part of the story, unless you come ask me personally...if u deserve to know..i will tell..no matter..i believe on my stand, no matter how ugly things people have said about me...everything thing that comes out of my mouth, every single thing that i've done now i think at least ten times about it before doing or saying it...its tired to have to live a life this way...but u can never blame me to being too carefull...
i have been thinking about my future..things that are going to happen next...me as a working adult..been trying to be delusive about it coz its hard to accept it...it means i can no longer depend on anyone anymore..that i have more responsibilities laid on my shoulders from now on..that i'm going to have lesser time spend with bi coz i'll be busy working..although i've tried to allocate time for us, but he still gotta work while studying...i'm fearful of my lifestyle..how is it gonna be..i tried not to think about it but now i'm back here..i gotta do what i gotta do...just cross my fingers and hope things will work out for the best of everything...

my Redang and Terengganu trip was almost a makan trip...thanks to bi who brought us makan makan all the local delicious food...and he'd gained some weight..muahahhaa...it was fun..especially in Redang...i've tried diving but i'm so paranoid that i just cant relax..in the end i didnt join them for their discover diving trip..but still i had fun snorkelling with bi's sis-in-law, michelle...sorry bi wasted your effort..i'll try again the next time i go..okay?? hehee..overall i'd had a great great time in there with all of them..thanks to bi's family, his babysitter who cooked us a wonderful meal that i swear it was the bestest potato chicken on earth apart from my mom's..hahhaa..i've also bought myself a pario..but too bad i only bought it the morning we were about to leave redang..but nevermind...the next time i'm going back there i'm gonna bring along my pario and ask the aunty to teach my how to wrap it..hahaha...i'm already missing Redang so much..wondering when will be the next time that i can go back there again..sigh...although i'll be going terengganu again in June for bi's bro's wedding...speaking of which..i havent choose song to perform yet..*die*....

so...its time to back to reality...T________________T

again...Thank you bi, and your family, for everything..and thank you dennis, for adding colors to this trip..=)

It takes two to clap...

to summarize my saturday..it has been a good and bad one...lolz...saturday is always my busiest day in a week, working from 10.30 straight til 5.30...that is if no replacements or delays in schedules...i like my saturdays...coz its the busiest of all and it can keep me occupied at all times..dont even have time to think of anything else...

today has been extraordinaryly free...coz of all the 12 students only 3 showed up..then i was thinking, finally one saturday i can go home early and start unpacking my own things at my house (i'm in the midst of moving back to my own house, a place call HOME)...then i went to take my car and left..once i left the garden's carpark..thats when my nightmare started..i've been stuck in MV city for AN HOUR....T_____________________T and i dunno why its so freaking jam that it makes me wanna cry...T______________T and it did not even help a bit when my headache decided to strikes again although i've taken panadol before leaving for work this morning..and the headache has been with me since yesterday evening...so finally i got out of the freaking MV City...went back thru federal highway...then it decided to jam AGAIN outside Naza...T___________T jam all the way til the turning to subang....

and now for the main course, the main highlight of the day...i was just replying eddy's text, telling him that i just entered subang...while he was already in puchong teaching...sienz...then just when i was on the turning into Subang, near SJMC there..i looked at the dashboard and to my biggest horror....the radiator meter HIT RED LINE!!!! which means my car is heating up...BOILING actually....i panicked...quickly think of a place where i can stop and seek help...many places flashed thru my mind but i worry that my car couldnt drive any longer...so i choose to stop at SJMC...then i quickly made phone calls to my dad and my bro..they said they're already on their way rushing over to help me...and at the same time..there was this security pak cik...he helped me by asking me to open the bonnet to let it cool down abit...then seeing that its going to rain soon the kind pak cik asked me to park at another place, road side so if rain i could run into the hospital for shelter and at the same time i can look after my car...i moved my car over there, and waited outside the car for my dad or bro to come to my rescue...suddenly a malay guy on motorcycle stopped over infront of my car...i was shocked but i tried to keep a distance, then only to realise that he helped me to see if he can do something with my car...then the security pak cik came over with a bottle of his drinking water and he offered to let me use to cool down my car...coz not enough and he ran up and down a few times into the hospital to get more water for me while the other malay guy help me with cooling down the car engine...then another car stopped by next to mine..asked what happened...then he also came down to help me check what is wrong exactly...i think i was there for about 10-15 mins...they really helped me out alot...consolling me that it'll be alright..dont worry i can drive it home..teach me how to cool it down again if it happens to heat up when i'm on my way back...tell me patiently that what are the possibilities that all of these happened...so i can inform my dad...and they did not ditch me when it started to rain...i panicked like shyt coz its starting to rain and its gonna be a raining cats and dogs and my dad or bro is nowhere to be seen...called my dad..and he appeared while i was on the phone with him..luckily...dad checked the car...talked to the malay guys...and my bro and his gf arrived shortly...i was so greatful that my family rushed over from different place to help me...and i had so many people to help me....thank god seriously..if not i think i would just panic and dunno what i can do but just stand there and wait for my dad...T___________________T

seriously...THANK YOU PAK CIK, THANK YOU BOTH OF THE MALAY MEN WHO HELPED ME...i dunno your names but i know all of you are working in SJMC, one is security, one is a chef, and another i have no idea...but you know who you are and most importantly, me, my family and GOD knows...so thank you so much and GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU....=)

then from there i dare not drive that car anymore..so i followed my mom while my dad drove my car back home..lol....

thats roughly sums up my eventful Saturday....next week gonna be super crazy til can die...hopefully all goes well...*fingers crossed*

Monday and Tuesday: practice and rehearsal
Wednesday: Grad Recital, working and concert rehearsal
Thursday: Concert
Friday: class replacement for students and Concert
Saturday: Work whole day without breaks
Sunday: Work, meet up with someone, then off to Terengganu...

n then i wont be back til thursday or friday...hahaha...so see if i have time to update or i have anything particular that i wanna blog about...


btw i'm now bloggin from my bro's new 22'' LCD widescreen monitor....SWEET...i want one for myself too...=p

til then..
toodles...
good day to all...=)

烂。

i couldnt remember when was the last time i had a decent appetite, a decent sleep or rest..its been really tiring...sometimes i just sit there and wonder all the things that happened...and i finally know that there's no point to say a word anymore...i'm tired...i couldnt care about it anymore..

i'm 烂 maybe coz i just simply wont accept what people tells me...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i just wont listen to other people...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i did not appreciate the things that people did for me...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i take things and people for granted..
i'm 烂 maybe coz i never consider other's feelings when doing something...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i never make effort...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i never think that people are forgiving me all the times...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i sometimes care too much how people hurt me...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i only think about the bad things about people, and not their good traits...
i'm 烂 maybe coz i only know how to blame other people but not myself...

i finally realise that justice is not always there...there's been to many cases where justice is never served..bended truth...but then there's nothing we can do...i kept fighting for a fair treatment for myself, in the end i just got hurt...so now i give up...its not worth it anymore...
i'm always reminded to keep quiet and not say too much, to save myself from troubles..i thought i'm doing it..but it seems that i'm not, at all...
its difficult to find a balance point where you keep quiet, but not too quiet until you keep yourself alienated from other people...

maybe right from the start i should have just kept quiet and all of these would never happened...if only...but its good to know anyways...true frens are those that came and never left...
silence is gold...sometimes, being alone is not a bad thing afterall...