Emo emo Days...

sometimes...don u just wish that everything goes smoothly...i wish...i wish to have what i desire..but things just dont go that way..nope it never did..yea??confused as always...thinking of stuff..wondering bout life,issues regarding my life...i was talked about leaving the country...for the better future by someone..yet he dont seem like he have any intention in doing so...well..sometimes its really hard to leave the place ur brought up,the place where holds all of our sweet and bitter memories..place that has been our comfort zone...its not easy..but what is easy in our lifetime???nothing...

i used to be a person who thinks of stuff just purely as they are...some might call me a person with a pure heart..and some just might call me naive...yes..naive...i used to trust and believe every single word that comes out from people's mouth..somehow it just never occur to me that people does have bad intentions againts me...

i used to think that...i dont really give a damn bout what people have to say bout me or think bout me as its my life and i can do and life just the way i want it to be...

i used to think that things are just as easy as they appear to me..

u can just say that i'm a person who can just belief anyone..and just simply any people...

every now and then...when things just goes smoothly..no obstacles and nothing is wrong..i somehow manage to find something to be suspected with..coz..i dont want to belief that things are just as easy and simple as they might appear to me...i dont believe as easy as before..i've been hurt coz i believe in him too much..i trust him too much..i convinced myself that i should trust him...

and then all the truth come pouring down on me like raining sharp knives...

lessons are learned...wounds are healed..but scars will always be there...i literally tear open my wounds on my heart over and over again just to feel....to feel what had happened before and set it as a painful reminder to myself...
love and hate...they are just a thin fine line away...

there are moments that i found myself hate him more than ever...and i simply just dont know why...

sometimes..i just wondered...how does it feel like smoking??i really wanna try that out...yea just with a simply lame excuse..to smoke my pain and insecurities away...

but i know i'll hate myself if i do that...just as much as how i hated people i love and care that smoke...i'm afraid that i'll love that feeling and not wanting to quit..suddenly..i feel so scared and threated by a tiny lil cigarette....i just dont have the guts...