So?

so now...it is as though everything is my fault...at first things just started when all they could do is just to text me..it was just a text away..yet nobody bothers to do it..and then i kept quiet..but didnt want to dig up things to say...and now things are all digged up..even the things from 3 years ago...i kept asking the question...why do you accuse me for being not understanding and having bad intentions when right in the first place i have no idea anything that had happened...and this question is never answered..simply by steering away with digging up old stuff to talk about...saying that i did not thank the people who fetched me...oh yea i just remembered that i DID...even though not verbally all the time..but i was so greatful and i posted it in my blog YEARS ago..i dunno if you feel left out for not having anything to say or what but you dun need to bring out things that doesnt happened in the first place...then said that i did not thank those that helped with my program book, of which i'm totally sure that i THANKED them before i left...and their names are printed on the appreciation page of the booklet...so is this not being thankful or appreciating ppl's help??

i choose to keep quiet to stop all of these, but in the end i got mocked for doing so...so is this a challenge or what??

so all of you have a fair say of how i treated every single one of you...okay...so hereby I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR EVERY SINGLE THING THAT I DID WRONGLY SIMPLY COZ I'M NATURALLY BAD-TEMPERED and that I'M SELFISH..and to APOLOGIZE FOR NOT THANKING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU EVERY TIME WHEN YOU GUYS HELPED ME...

whatelse do you guys wanna say about me??to condemn me??go ahead..i know i havent been a good person with good temper...and i've put every single one of you thru a hell of a time..SO SORRY ABOUT THAT...

okay..just to be fair...
the things you guys said to me...like the presents i got was ugly, how to use, the presents i plan to buy is cheap...me worked my ass off rushing up and down to run errands but in the end i was criticized...and the meeting was supposed to be at 9pm suddenly changed to 10pm and i dunno why is that so, and i did not know what happened the other day and was accused that i'm not understanding and have any intentions of some sort, being said that i'm not going to make effort to come back for the meeting when i was thinking a way to how to settle it and in the end i did made effort to come back...suddenly became my fault coz i simply love to complain bout everything and push the blame to everyone else but not myself...and that i'm being selfish...

maybe i was wrong maybe i was right...i'm not sure..but i just want to know if there are two person commenting bout the flowers, or just one??coz i was told that it was only one person who stated all the comments...

so maybe right from the start i'm the person at fault..that i didnt know what happened..and that i didnt know that they got movie plans..and that i did not bother to check with them...but do i deserved to be accused that way??

so now i'm only left with two choices...to talk face to face..end it once and for all, or to keep quiet, remain my silence, and leave uni...either way...there's no turning back for this frenship coz the wounds are digged up, deeper and deeper...so if i do get to voice out my part of the story, will anyone of of you willing to listen without judging first?or no matter what my stories are, all of you already have in mind how's the ending??

if you already have in mind that i'm this kinda person who doesnt appreciate the things people do for me, that i'm not understanding...i dont think there's even need for me to say a word more..simple as that becoz right in the message, when i was told to say out my feelings, in the end all of it just being turned around to attack me, to shoot me down, doesnt matter how horrible i felt in the situation...thats why i said it is pointless for me to explain..coz all of these are just old stories from the past that is being digged out from the grave, going round and round and it never ends, where the main question is never answered right from the start..

i'm getting exhausted, trying to get people to understand my point, where it is always distracted...and saying that i do not bother to explain, do not put in effort to maintain the frenship...

is all of these my fault??maybe it is......