Choices

life is full of choices...choices are to be made to shape our life...life's not as easy as we think they are...obstacles are everywhere..so many different choices laid infront of you,waiting for u to choose...i never understand him..when i thought i have..god decided to play a huge prank on me by changing him to a totally different person..180degrees changes...i thought i can be strong to face everything...but when problem occurs..i felt so helpless towards everything...i feel like give up..but i know thats not the rite thing to do at all..and deep in heart i know no matter how long it takes, few months,a year, few years..i know i wont be able to forget bout him...heart broken..countless of tears has been shed for him...no matter what you said..we both know deep down inside we both just want each other no matter how determined you want to leave me and how angry and disappointed i am...i know u might read my blog,read bout all these..frankly..i have another blog which nobody knows..there i wrote down all my problems,my hatred,all my unhappiness..coz i know this blog is often visited by my close frens and you..and i thought by hiding stuff i wouldnt trouble u guys so much...but things got really out of hand lately that i no longer can handle them by myself...until the state that i no longer know what i want and who i am anymore...but one thing i trully know is no matter what i only want u to stay in my life..we both know this very well...
you smoke and drink to forget things...have u ever thought of how i feel behind all the stupid things you do??i dunno whats inside of you..but i'm telling you this..with all the things you do..i can do even more than you..i can smoke,drink and go clubbing every nite..get laid by other guys...but i choosed not to do all that...coz i know by doing that i will only hurt the both of us...i dunno why u keep saying that u tried but u cant change...i really feel like slapping you hard for choosing to smoke and drink in the 1st place...i really dunno what to say to you anymore...
i'm so used to the feeling that now i'm starting to get the hang of it...yea thanx to you of what i've became today..but to let you know that...i'll never regret of the choices i made..ever since u betrayed my trust for you...things hasnt been the same..and things will never be the same as last time..like how we used to be..it will never be that way anymore...i cant promise you that we'll stay with each other forever..coz when i gave you the chance to build back the trust for you..yet u go destroy it again and again...i dunno whether i can still rely on you anymore...all the promises u made to me that day after our big fight..i thought everything will starting to turn okay..but guess i was wrong...the same problem keep coming back again and again...maybe to you i'm not that important anymore that you heart tells you to drink to forget bout me...
now that things can never turn back to its original state...i'll still hang on to what we have between us..as long as i can..thats the best thing i can do for the both of us now..maybe til one day u would really change back to a better person,maybe u will not..maybe i would wake up one day and realise that i should move on with my life without you...but i try not to jump to that decision anytime soon..coz i know all i want is you..and i think i still can hang on for quite awhile..
all i can do now is to pray hard to god to let you succeed in changing away all the bad habits...hope my prayer is heard by god and hope it will be fulfilled soon....