Confession of a Good Gal turns Bad...

yea..this post i'm gonna make a kind huge confession..bout my true self...

can u keep it a secret between me and you???but anyways...

hueyhsiang hasnt been quite a good gal lately..she's been doing things she's not supposed to do..and going places she's not supposed to go...

hate to say this..but me likey clubbing...like the attention,like the crowd and like dancing...

some may not like the new me..but..i'm enjoying every minute of it..i've gone bad...real bad..no matter where i go i cant stop think bout it..even when i go shopping i just cant help but i always look for clothes and accesories that can be worn to clubbin...

i like the feeling of getting high..getting all the alcohol i could into my system...i like the feeling of getting numb coz thats the only time when i could trully let go of myself and forget bout everything...i dont need to think of how ppl will look at me..i dont need to think of how ppl will think of me..as long as i have fun..i dont really give a damn..

i'm a totally different person..in the process of transforming...i know i shouldnt...but i cant help it..coz i totally enjoyed the feeling...just like you enjoy how cigarrette can make you forget bout problems,alcohols can make u high and make your brain ask u to drink more even when u know u shouldnt..

i know u wouldnt like me transforming into someone bitchy and slutty...i know myself...

now i think that wearing revealing and short is totally fine..

i feel trapped..i'm confused..i dunno what to do..

but all i know is whenever there a chance..i will go out and have fun...

sometimes i think i'm going phsyco..i'm going crazy...i can get emo this minute..and be happy the next minute..i can get super easily influenced by watching some show..for example...a couple in the show is fighting over some small stuff..i'll get paranoid and thought that i'm that person in the show..i got scared for nothing...i start to imagine stuff which doesnt even exists in the 1st place...i keep worry bout things i shouldnt...

i think i'm really going crazy....

its gonna be a long and lonely path down in search of who i really am after all the major changes in my life...i've discover that i want to be a model..although i know i just dont have what it takes to be one..i want to be a photographer..i like taking pics of plants and sceneries,skies..anything...i want to be someone that everyone knows..i hate to be unknown...i want to get tattoo..but i'm scared of the pain..and worry how my parents will think of me...

but i guess i shouldnt think much of what people wants..but should think of what i trully wants for myself...say i'm selfish..i hate him smoke,clubbing,drink,get tattoo,drive fast..but i totally enjoy doing it myself..except for smoking and driving fast..but i guess he'll never understands me..is that so hard to find someone who trully understands you and accept you for who you are??

maybe the reason i dont want him to do all those is coz i know how much it will harm a person in health vise and safety vise..but i dont mind i myself doing all that...maybe coz my heart tells me that i really love him alot and i dont want him to do things that will hurt himself..maybe i'm trying to hurt him..after all he has hurt me...i want him to know how much it hurts to see the one you love hurt herself...

i really dunno what i want now...

i'm confused...