life......

its been like so long since i pos something over here...so much had happened in such a short time..some are good memories..some arent...well..i'm now one week away from cny..haha..well its angpau collecting time..been looking forward to it coz i've spend so much in the past few weeks..buying cosmetics,clothes,shoes n all...although it did made me happy..but it was just a short term happiness..nth can buy long term happiness..friendship..a thing i kinda got fed up with ever since earlier this year...now..i've been living with one phrase..习惯就好。。everyone has got their own attitude n character...which sometimes is hard to get along with...but we got no choice but to get used to it..coz ur not the only one which got an attitude..please dun ever think that all what that u said its true..i dunno whether u mean it or not..but sometimes the things u said..indirectly will hurt us..u might not come from the same place as me..but it doesnt mean that our place is not better than u,please..think twice before u say anything...we tend to say things that will hurt ppl..but if u already know it..just dont keeop doing it...it just annoy us all..everyone has got their own oppinion...some might be true...some doesnt..
i kinda miss the times when we stayed in hostel...things were so much better last time..sometimes when i think bout it..i duno whether i should cry or be happy bout it or sad about it...we werent as close as we used to be last time...which is a think that i feel sorry for the most..i used to be very close with my roommate...well..at least that was what i thought i was...but now..everytime when there's somethin happened..she wasnt with me...she's with the one that i had misunderstanding..but i know...i'm the right one.well..life sux..one of my fren said that...if u can get one of ur fren to stand with u..rite by ur side when something happened..even if thats only one of them..its already more than enough..but to me...its the 1st time i had so much good frens..a bunch of frens which i treasure so much in my life..n when something happpened..they werent with me..instead i had another fren which i wasnt close to last time..she was there for me when i needed someone that could assure me that i'm on the rite side...that was what happened last time...n i'm not supposed to say anything bout it anymore..
n then..something happened at home..i duno whethe i should blame the god for putting me with the life i'm having...or i should just admit that im just the unlucky one...i dunno where should i start talkin bout it..but its something like a long long story that will never end..i was kinda harrassed by one of my family member...for so many years..i was called so many names..satan...idiot...bitch n all..all i could do was just to admit that i was put in this family coz of what i've done in the past life..i'm not as lucky as my other frens..i tried so hard to do everything i could..but yet.,,it was never enough...never enough to satisfiy her..i'm never as good as her another child...n never will..might as well i just get along with it..admit that...things got from bad to worse..til my dad asked me not to go home anymore..well at least that is what i;ve wanted for myself..thats something i can do thats good for both parties..
i went to visit my teacher...she asked me how;s my studies going on...i just dn dare to tell her that..i'm facing alot of pressure n stress in shcu..with my piano lessons..struggling with my skills..til last week..i broke down in tears rite infront of my teacher during my class..i dunno what should i do..or what can i do...i guess all i can do is to start pracrising n getting all the details rite..practise more...n get harsh with myself..i guess i must stay back at coll everyday to practise..i hate to disappoint my teacher..
rite now..this isnt the rite moment in my life...everything just seems so wrong...