Right And Wrong

okay now its bothering me that its not even funny anymore...wait...when was the last time i EMO-ed this long?? years ago?? i'm not sure if its just simply being emotional, or i'm suffering some kind of minor depression...it wouldnt go away, it wont get better, neither did it disappeared..and i'm really feeling troubled...things that wasnt a problem seems like a problem to me now...i get angry and impatient very quickly lately...and really i did notice that myself..things that was so sure, crystal clear, now became unsure, unclear...sometimes i dont even know what do i want..Am i really that stressed out, focused on what i really need to do instead of what i WANT to do, that i no longer know what i want for myself? sometimes i really stop awhile, a minute or two...to think about...what have i done to myself? what am i doing to myself?? this is MY life..but am i LIVING it? is life meant to be like this, where we do things that we NEED to do, rather than doing things we WANT to do?

finally, after quite some time, i had the chance to go out with some fren, and it feels like i've finally made some time to really enjoy life, rather than keep busying myself with tonnes of work...i really enjoyed the times i spend with my frens...and to be honest, i really miss the feeling of having to not think bout anything, and just hang out with frens, chatting, listening, take a drink or two...just really laugh at something silly...but i know...with my working schedule that is something not easily be acheived...and i really missed my old life...well..just part of it...when life is about enjoying the time of your life, doing things u enjoy with the people u enjoy...instead of just WORK, WORK, WORK....i really have been thinking about quitting some of my job, but i guess financial status just dont quite enable me to do it...

but somehow it doesnt feel right, and i really dont know how to explain it...the more i think about it, the more wrong it feels like...and i just shut it away from my thoughts, out of my mind...i know...avoiding it is not gonna help in any way...but i just couldnt bring myself to think about it..

distance seems to grow further apart by each day, feelings seems to get faint too as it goes...is this a sign? or i'm thinking too much??no longer know what is right and wrong...what is true and false..i guess i really know how to see things properly now..

i spend so much time reading books...sometimes i dont sleep becoz i wanna know how the story goes...but now, into the fourth book...i guess lately i just got really tired very easily, that i emo too much that i havent been touching that book for a few days...its not helping me at all, but kept me inside its story that i tend to think like the story...and it made really emotional sometimes...

please tell me i'm not suffering from any sickness...that i'm still sane as i am...that i'm still Huey Hsiang...coz right now, i dont feel like one, i dont act like one, and i certainly dont think like one......