Right And Wrong

okay now its bothering me that its not even funny anymore...wait...when was the last time i EMO-ed this long?? years ago?? i'm not sure if its just simply being emotional, or i'm suffering some kind of minor depression...it wouldnt go away, it wont get better, neither did it disappeared..and i'm really feeling troubled...things that wasnt a problem seems like a problem to me now...i get angry and impatient very quickly lately...and really i did notice that myself..things that was so sure, crystal clear, now became unsure, unclear...sometimes i dont even know what do i want..Am i really that stressed out, focused on what i really need to do instead of what i WANT to do, that i no longer know what i want for myself? sometimes i really stop awhile, a minute or two...to think about...what have i done to myself? what am i doing to myself?? this is MY life..but am i LIVING it? is life meant to be like this, where we do things that we NEED to do, rather than doing things we WANT to do?

finally, after quite some time, i had the chance to go out with some fren, and it feels like i've finally made some time to really enjoy life, rather than keep busying myself with tonnes of work...i really enjoyed the times i spend with my frens...and to be honest, i really miss the feeling of having to not think bout anything, and just hang out with frens, chatting, listening, take a drink or two...just really laugh at something silly...but i know...with my working schedule that is something not easily be acheived...and i really missed my old life...well..just part of it...when life is about enjoying the time of your life, doing things u enjoy with the people u enjoy...instead of just WORK, WORK, WORK....i really have been thinking about quitting some of my job, but i guess financial status just dont quite enable me to do it...

but somehow it doesnt feel right, and i really dont know how to explain it...the more i think about it, the more wrong it feels like...and i just shut it away from my thoughts, out of my mind...i know...avoiding it is not gonna help in any way...but i just couldnt bring myself to think about it..

distance seems to grow further apart by each day, feelings seems to get faint too as it goes...is this a sign? or i'm thinking too much??no longer know what is right and wrong...what is true and false..i guess i really know how to see things properly now..

i spend so much time reading books...sometimes i dont sleep becoz i wanna know how the story goes...but now, into the fourth book...i guess lately i just got really tired very easily, that i emo too much that i havent been touching that book for a few days...its not helping me at all, but kept me inside its story that i tend to think like the story...and it made really emotional sometimes...

please tell me i'm not suffering from any sickness...that i'm still sane as i am...that i'm still Huey Hsiang...coz right now, i dont feel like one, i dont act like one, and i certainly dont think like one......

The Valid Reason

it wasnt the greatest time in my life, it is in fact now the worse that i've been thru...no more stupid childish problems that we cry over when we feel sad or stressed out...commitments, long-term plans, life aims...how does it feel like when all those things that used to be very important to you, suddenly became pointless? what can we really do bout it? what is the reason behind the things we do?

sometimes just when i think that i'm having the toughest, biggest, the worst things happening to me, thats when i realise that it was nothing huge compared to what some others are going thru...and to really laugh at myself...so what was i expecting to get from people when i tell them? am i begging for their sympathy? am i asking for solutions? should i share it with others? there wasnt once in my life that i kept something so quietly, inside of me...i dunno how to deal with it becoz i'm a coward. since when going home became a duty, rather than an action out of willingness? since when going home sounded like a bad idea that even other people can see right from my face?

it wasnt until that day that i found out that i needed music so much to drown out the noise, that i switch it on so loud that its almost gonna burst my eardrums...to stop myself from hearing those meanful words thrown around like that...it was the worst place to be at, at that time..it was just the wrong timing, wrong place...but i didnt had the choice..even though i've plucked on to my ipod, blasting the music to the loudest i can...i still hear things that i didnt want to hear...it wasnt pleasant at all..seeing things falling apart right infront of ur own eyes...

thats when i needed to take up the responsibilities, although i'm not asked to do that...but i know thats something i need to do...thats the least i can do for them...

sometimes we need to control our behavior at the right place, the right time...no matter how stressed out we are..we just cant use that as a valid reason to throw a fit infront of other people..it was such a huge shame...that all i could do was just sit there and look...feeling very devastated simply not coz i was upset by other's behavior...but upset coz i was misunderstood...and seeing something of myself which i hate to admit it, even though i know i'm like that...that i hate to think of it..coz if i do...it'll only remind myself that i hate myself even more..

suddenly everything seems unclear to me...the things that i'm doing...i never realise that i was such an unhappy person...i never realise that i stopped being myself becoz of the person they want me to be...i stopped being happy for going home...i never realise that what i have now suddenly just became pointless when the things i thought would last forever just blew up right infront of me into shreds of clothes, like it doesnt worth of anything at all..it pains me to see it, to feel it...so if something i thought was so perfect could end up like that...what is the point of me going thru it now??? what is the point of me having high hopes for the future when the prettiest things doesnt even stay pretty anymore??

do we need a valid reason for everything we do?? or we just act according to how we feel??


i think i'm crapping at this point...i'm simply complaining too much..which is something i really hate myself for doing so...so i'll just shut up here....

The Feel-Good Post

A very busy weekend seriously does not leave any mercy on me...make me such a grumpy person...tired, stressful, always worrying bout replacement classes and other things...today was seriously a very very tired one...although thanks to do the Ramadhan month that i didnt stuck in traffic jams no matter where i went since the fasting month began...and i think i'm gonna miss it when it ends...thats the only good thing about it that i really like...after a very tired and long working day (actually its not really that long but i dont know why, compared to thurs, fri, and sat, sun seems to be extra gruelsome) i finally decided call my remaining sunday a rest day...simply just by lepaking around the house doing nothing much, berfacebook for quite sometime, looking thru blogshop reviews (which nothing much catches my attention, maybe i've fullfilled my to-get-list, for now....hmmmmm), reading mag (i just got the latest issue of ViVi from a bookshop...thumbs up to the shop for having stocks for imported magazine..coz normally i only see those current month issues of jap mags in big bookshops like Kinokuniya, MPH, Popular...so now i know where to buy the latest mags =D)

then mom came back from the very short Thailand (hattyai) trip...and came back with lots n lots of food...

there's this thing thats bothering me...i seriously do not appreciate people who suddenly change their calendar, then CLAIMED to have CHANGED long time ago...when the previous week i just double-checked with the ladyboss for the holidays coz i'll be away (and please do take note that i'm not those teachers who just leave whenever they like...i plan for vacation when there's a long stretch of public holidays i.e. the coming raya. except for times when i need to take leave as i have performance or competition which is unavoidable..and thats also maybe three days in a year..) n then the next week i was there to teach i checked again..they just changed the calendar(last last week) and DID NOT INFORM me but luckily i double checked again....and so i have made my plans n arrangements that i really need that vacation that i've been so looking forward to it...and suddenly she just need to crash my dream...just like that...so this time i really need to leave...n she was just telling me this morning that the parents didnt like the sound of me only having class with their child for once in this month...but i bet they DIDNT KNOW that this is not my fault becoz the Ladyboss just decided to CHANGE the calendar (holiday) according to her own planning..common la...raya is on the 10th of sept (friday) so i guess many people will be away for the weekend til the following week as schools are also off for another week...n u suddenly change to start closing on the 5th (sun) til 11th(sat)...yes all of ur students are chinese so maybe ur thinking that we do not celebrate raya n we will stay back in KL...but people like me who cant just take leave and go for vacation just as we like, will normally choose this kinda time to leave so we wont have to affect our work...and just to be fair...i've been planning on this trip for so long...since late july...and now i'm not gonna stay back for it and ur telling me that the parents doesnt like what i do??? how bout u telling them what you've done at such a short notice?? seriously i swear that i've tried my very best when arranging for classes and replacements, dealing with some of the parents...and you really have to do this to me??

ishish...make me no mood only...sigh...working is never easy...so many things to deal with...you really need to be street-wise to be able to survive...seriously...no joke...



gonna end this post with what i've done just now....noticed its been soooooooooo long since i camwhored...dunno why...and suddenly i just got the mood to play around with my camera after i've read ViVi...it was indeed a rest day to me..=)



got this top together with DimSy, my colleugue two weeks back in MV when they're having some exhibition where blogshops opened up booths there...

okay thats all...bye...

Shorter Wish List

Is it the order of nature that we earn people's money so we have to deal with their problems?? seriously its never ending...semua BERPATTERN-PATTERN...


title of this post....my Wish List is getting shorter..=) Finally got myself a maxi dress, n my new Longchamp is in London now with Angela n its coming back early next month..=D cant wait...

Its not all about that...

Slowly picking up the pace that i used to have for blogging..realise that if i dont do so, i'll have totally nothing much to do..but of coz its still depending if i have pictures to share, if not it'll sure be another boring, picture-less post again...

kinda free lately, after a very much tightly packed schedule for the past few months, exams, convocations, reschedule of my working timetable and others...so now finally its time for me to stop and breathe before i move forward again..but i guess this short break wont last for too long.. speaking of which i'm rather upset that i couldnt find time to leave for a short vacation. a very much needed vacation in fact..its always hard to compromise between my schedule with others...when i have breaks he's always busy..when he's finally free i couldnt take leave either..sigh...and my mom is going to Thailand for a short trip...sad...she never mentioned to me before, assuming that i couldnt leave as i'll need to work on weekends..weekends are my busiest days if u havent already know...so now which leaves me with two option...only take leave end of the year like in december maybe as i have students which will be going for exams in November..or maybe later i'm not sure...the other option would be, to go without anyone but myself..but then again, where i should i go to??


just thought of sharing some of the happenings lately...before i update about my convo..

dated back sometime ago really..i think in June, where after work me and bi went to Paddington House of Pancakes for dinner...


abit dissappointed with this crepe actually..i think their pancakes dishes are way nicer..

then end of June, went over to terengganu to attend Eddy's bro's wedding.

Wedding dinner venue

the guy whos not so sober...according to him he was very happy so he drank alot..social with the relatives and all..

after we were send back to the Hotel, we went out again for supper after changing into something more comfortable..then went back to hotel, initial plan was to chit chat by the seaside but it was rather unsafe for us to do so as we saw many mat rempits coming towards, so we quickly went back to the hotel compound, found us a safe, and well lit area to sit down n chat...which later on we were joined by some uncle who is the drummer for another band during the wedding dinner...went to bed quite late that night...so me and bi were sharing the same room with Yaw and Eunice..we thought of joining all the beds together..i dunno why they place the beds in a weird manner. it was a queen size bed in the middle and flank by two super singles at each side..so in the afternoon after the tea ceremony and lunch we went back to the hotel, and already moved the queen to one of the super single...and guess what we found under the bed..one side of a pair of socks, used tissues, some ball thingy, hairs, and of coz, dusts...so Yaw went to the reception to borrow a broom and a dustpan, and u know what the receptionist asked? :" oh you tolak itu mattress aaahh?"... which means they KNEW that they sweep all the dirt under the bed...and then that was not even the BEST part yet..until at night when Eunice suggested that to join the other super single together so me and Eddy dun need to cramp on one super single...and so we started to move the bed...and now guess what we found under the bed????? 5 OR MORE DEAD COCROACHES!!!!! all terbalik on their backs...hahahaha...so that bed was left there all alone, as a place for us to put our luggage...but it wasnt that cramp la coz we're used to sleeping with only a single bed back in cheras...so a super single for us is like a treat...lolz...

but we had quite a great stay at the hotel, minus the surprises we found under the beds la...other wise all areas are quite clean actually..=) and they have a hair dryer too next to the dressing table, like the ones we see in toilet hotels..

n then we were brought to Eddy's dad's dusun...in the afternoon together with some of his relatives coz their flight back to KL was delayed so Eddy's mom planned something for them and we just tagged along

DragonFruit

i didnt know it was that big of an area...even eddy have not been there before.

then we busied ourselves with plenty of fruits...Nangka, dragonfruits and jagung...all were super sweet and nice...=)

that day, we left Terengganu after dinner...

My new love..=)

Longchamp Eifel Tower...bi got it for me as our Anniversary pressie

then we went out for dinner date..

guess where we went??

I'm sure those of u who been there before, by looking at this pic u'll know where is it...its No Black Tie

Being silly

bi know how much i love Japanese food, salmon sashimi especially..so he brought me there for dinner...but actually..i was CHEATED!

my tempura soba

bi's chicken Katsu with rice...this is really nice...compared to mine which is nothing special


and they serve the best French Fries!!! seriously!!!

then we ordered green tea icecream...super nice!!! bi wanted black glutinous ice cream but its not available..

now....why did i mentioned that i was cheated...coz that fella...did not tell me that he planned to stay for that night's performance...he did not even mentioned about it at all...and i kept bugging him to go back which he did eventually, unwilling as i need to work early the next day, not to mention that i was already very tired...

me: "how long do you plan to stay for this?"

him: " awhile la.."

so after that only i found out that his AWHILE IS one set of the performance..which was about slightly less than AN HOUR....

its not that i did not enjoyed the performance...but i did not planned for all of that after a very long day..and before dinner i asked him what other plans do we have after dinner...and he said:" NOTHING LO...HOME..."...so that was how we celebrated our anniversary....

a busy weekend..rushing up and down for photo session...

had ppl done make up for me...i look like malay...why???

this is more like me....

initially had the mood for blogging...n suddenly someone called and spoiled it...spoiled my mood for everything...

night.....

Its just another one of those days

Yes i'm emo-ing...didnt pretend that i'm not coz i just wanna emo..happy?? not too many happy days lately, but why should i even start counting it? where i should be looking at the happy moments i had instead? yea whatever...sometimes i'm too busy with work that i just couldnt be bothered anymore..seriously...begin to think that i'm just wasting my time..what will come will come eventually...

i think i've mastered a skill these few days..i can now control my temper better, especially when i'm upset, angry...it didnt take me long to back to normal again...say like half an hour to one?? good one...maybe its a sign...

went for shopping therapy today during work time. sneak some time out to went to shop..women...shopping therapy heals any heartaches really...no i should rephrase that...shopping therapy basically heals anything on women...except for their bank accounts and purses...was just telling my boss that i dun have anywhere to go coz i dun have anything to shop..sien with MV d actually..lolz..patutlah...i'm there 3 days a week...then suddenly i remembered the Topshop staff told me the other day that this friday they're having 30% n 50% sales...so i thought i would just hop over to take a look...but i went into Miss Selfridge first instead...massive sale lo i tell you...too bad i dont have my very own Fashion Fast Forward card..they were giving extra 10% off on top of discounted items, just for today!!!!!!! tell me...is there any reason not to shop??? i think i kinda went abit crazy...running my eyes thru every racks n hangers...especially those on discounts...but nothing much that i like...nothing suits my working schedule now...*sad* so i eyed a pair of shorts which is on half price, and another uber cute jumper which is on 30% off...almost got the jumper...but i think it was a lil bit too short for me...the only size 8 there...luckily i didnt buy it...coz later on i went over to Topshop...massive i tell you...if i just had more time...i think i would ended up buying more...but anyways...i still managed to get myself a top that i've tried before few months ago..in Feb i think?? which is also the last size8..wanted to try but no time as i need to rush back to centre to teach...*yes i'm a crazy shoppaholic* *actually i beg to differ..not that crazy la...* n so..i bought it without trying it...wasnt that cheap..but i like it..n its on discount..so...what the heck!!!! i earn my money i think i deserve to pamper myself...


typing out my shopping experience today just made me a lil happy now...see i told ya..shopping therapy is the best medicine for women...=D

now...i'm confused on which Longchamp should i get...should i just get a normal one so i can really use it seeing the fact that i'm such a lousy person in taking care of bags...on my record, the Charles n Keith its spoilt (less than half a year, oh wait..its already half a year!!!), and the Longchamp Eifel Tower's edges is abit worn out..i just realise that few days ago when i was looking for my hp, attending convocation briefing..n mind you..that bag is not even A MONTH OLD YET!!!!!!

but on the other hand, buying something so common on the streets doesnt make me feel special..lolz...but if i'm going to buy something different than others, that means in the end i'm spending my money buying something which i will end up not using it too often as i'm afraid i'll damage it...
WHY THE DILLEMA~!!!!!!

n now i'm worried that Longchamp doesnt come out Le Pliage series with the colour Rosaly anymore!!! gosh i hate them...then what colour shall i get???


die la.cant sleep yet...=( need to wake up early 2mr..its the big day but i dun feel like it...why???!!! aih...oh yea...someone just spoiled my mood...*trying hard to channel my upset mood* right...

hmmmmmm..............................



now looking back at what i've just written...its all about shopping....i'm doomed.....=)

Love. Cherish.

why do we have to lose something to know how to treasure it? why cant we treasure it while we still have it? in the past, i've hurt so much from seeing people i care, i love, doesnt care or love themselves by doing all the stupid and childish things, wasting their time and life...after so many times, lesson learnt..and so i thought i have...but maybe i'm just too fragile? that once again i'm going thru the same ol' feelings that i once had...feeling very sad seeing someone doing things to hurt himself. maybe its just a phase in life where everyone will go thru..afterall, who am i to say anything? to judge? or to comment? just hope that things will be better soon that he'll find the lighted path in the dark. its just too pity to say it that we're nothing like before. back to times where we were once strangers, when we didnt even know each other. but anyhow, i still wanna thank you, for walking into my life, start poking me in FB...and that was how we got to know each other. and people around me were telling me to stay away from this weird stranger...but somehow i knew u were different from the others. Different in ways that no words could describe.. If u feel the need to find a listener, you know i'm always there for ya. So, take care now, my friend.

Buying things to reward oneself often not as rewarding as seeing the smile on the face of the people u love when they get a lil something from you.. its the thought that counts, how true. i guess thats another way of showing a lil something to someone u care..

I finally have to admit that, i think its better to not see or have something u love so dearly with you all the time, becoz that way u'll even appreciate it more than ever.

Good Night.

Just Another Tuesday...

Its another week of the year...my days are almost like routine now...work, home, sleep, wake up, lepak, work..the cycle repeats itself day after day...quite glad that i'm still pursuing my vocal, piano and violin studies even after i graduated...i finally realise how much more interesting my life is studying while working...but of coz..i've cut alot on social life...mostly i'm too busy with work, or i'm too tired after work, or i have to work on my studies during my free time...to be honest, i'm quite sad..but slowly i'm getting used to it...it's not a bad thing afterall...some point i'll be thinking whats the point of me working my ass off every week, and in the end the pay wasnt that rewarding, but still thats what i gotta do to make ends meet...but slowly i find the most rewarding part is when i see my students progress after awhile..and working with them, growing with them...

I've mentioned in two posts ago that i'll be joining AYC this year..but unfortunately, my convocation clashes with it..after much consideration..i've decided to stay back for my convo...but still..i have a vocal concert coming up in Klang chinese school next month, where i'll be performing with another friend of mine, to help spread the art of music among younger generations..its the music sharing and experience that i'll be getting makes me look forward to it, although there's alot of preparation coming ahead as we still havent finalize our repetoire yet...

suddenly heard the recording of the Beethoven Concerto No.2 that i played for my Jury4 back in UCSI when i was bout to leave my teacher's house...suddenly just realise that i miss that piece alot...also brings back the memory when i was stuck in Jeju coz i was quarantined there for AH1N1...hahhaa..such memories..

Next month onwards i'm going to have lesser time for myself..as i'll be working 6 days in a week..which means i really have to work my ass out, to be more hardworking, find any time possible to practise...i'm hoping that i can sit for my LTCL piano next year..the other day when i was visiting my grandma at my uncle's house, i tried to played Fantasie Impromtu there coz there's a score there..but stuck all the way..sigh...i think my hands are not working well as they used to be...well coz i didnt really practise nowadays..better start catching back before i totally lose the hang of it..hahahah...and i plan to pick up once again all the pieces that i've played before, so i can teach my students better...in the process now but i'm sure it'll take a very very long time..hahahahahah...

k la..just wanna talk abit...need to go practise my violin d...

bye...

Bits and Bits

i know its been too long since my last photo update...coz there's not much of nice pics to upload and share...and yes coz i'm lazy..my cam isnt functioning as well as it used to be..hence the less pics moments in my life...i've been carrying them all around with me..it always in my handbag..but i just couldnt find an occasion to bring it out to snap pics..maybe i've lost the passion for taking pics like how i used to??


new member to my family...adores her...

likes to stick around is humans...

small cat with huge volume..hahaha

@ MV Delicious for Eunice and Dennis's Birthday Surprise dinner..

Thats Eunice and the blurred face is Yaw..

With frens attending Choral Workshop in KLPac few weeks ago..

The Dithyrambic Singers with Mr. Branko Stark..our group(Adult)'s instructor..

Random pic of me...going out to watch the Finals of Library Got Talent..to support Juanophobia

Dinner at Marche...first time there before we head over to Library...maybe i'm stupid..i didnt know clamfish is "lala"...i thought it was some sort of fish and so i ordered this..but it tasted quite good..haha

Our food..of coz these are not just all..before Victor arrived to join us, we both left the table to order more food..with our drinks still at the table, mine barely touched...and when we came back..the staff pandai pandai cleared our table..=_______= so in the end we sat at another place coz our tables are occupied by other people...


monday after Vocal exam..went kai kai in 1U with dennis and eddy...after that headed home without dinner...

but we ordered a feast to our home...

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Set for two...we didnt know there's so much food..

*slowly unfolding the package and look into the huge bag*
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this much of food for two person...can die..

of coz..in the end we didnt managed to finish all of it...garlic bread remained untouched, and ended up in the rubbish bin..side dishes werent's finished entirely..but we were too stuffed...

nah let u see our food..

last week me and my family went to Sunway Chong Qing steamboat for dinner, early celebration of Father's day...the ice cream selection they had that day was veru special...Durian, Peach, Honeydew Sago and Vanilla Strawberry...reminds me of my good ol' days back in primary schu..still remember the days we ran out of the school gate to buy the rm1 icecream cone from the motorcycle uncle who sells icecream? good ol' days...=D

nothing much to talk about...

sometimes i realize people tend to forget who they really are..in the process of getting people's influence..we can let others influence us in many ways..the way we dress, the way we behave, the way we bring ourselves...but at the end of the day we must not forget bout who we really are..to be someone special, to be you, u can take influences from other people, on things u like, and to infuse it into YOU..which makes u someone special, and not some desperate or loser Wannabe...

Good day..

bye...