its random, for wanting to come to this collumn to jot down my 2 cents. i wished i have someone that i could talk to right now, but as always, i'm alone...faithful as always my humble blog awaits me to visit her and sorry to neglect her for almost a year...
My life has changed since my last post in october 2010...i hope i've matured. things are still shitty always..well, thats life isnt it? i remembered telling a student of mine :" life often throw shits at you, learn to deal with these shit and move on." problems always occur around us, inner demons telling you things, leading you to the darker sides...yes i do have my darker moments sometimes, i always have... but it doesnt mean i've given up entirely on things that matters to me...
looking back the past few months, many things have changed...my long term plans has gone down the rubbish bin..my priorities have changed...my life used to resolved mainly around him, it hurts like a bitch when i hit the wall but i never wake up til one time, i really got smacked real hard on my face...thats when no matter how hard you're trying to avoid the problem, it'll just be there, smacked right infront of your face, whether you like it or not. thats when i tell myelf: Clarrise, u seriously have to wake up now! if one dont worth your effort and time, dont waste your time..you wont be younger as each day passes...
yes i've got the courage, to finally take a step out of my comfort zone..but sometimes, u'll wish there's someone else for u to depend on...an assurance...or maybe i've got older now, all i'm looking for is assurance...a certainty in life...life's a bitch, they dont give you what u wished for...so yes, i dont get what i want...but i'll work towards what i intend to acheive for myself...
it's a blessing in disguise when you lose something, u'll gain something else...right now i've another option waiting for me at the other junction right down this path i'm taking...but its one HUGE step...a life-changing decision...i thought i was very brave..i thought i've got the courage to take this leap...and now, here i am...doubting the courage that i used to have..or i thought i had..still thinking if i should go for it, or just stay in my own comfort zone and keep working my ass out...weighing my options i guess...its been a month and i've been thinking alot...yet there's no one i could go to for advise...
someone said i've complained lesser...well simply coz i dont find any point to do so...people get tired after awhile..i dont find it a point to complain something that doesnt matter much to me..simply to waste my energy...you can say that i couldnt care less...yes i am...you can say that i'm cold...maybe i am...when u get all the cold shoulders from others when u tried to reach out, u'll understand how i feel...afterall, i'm only human..
issues and matters running thru my mind, nonstop...i'm sitting here...weighing my options, on the things i should hold on tightly, and also the things that i should let go for my own good...the thing is, when you're older, u tend to be afraid of losing the wrong things...and thats what i'm experiencing now...you'll keep thinking what if the next step that you take is the wrong one?
go figure that out....
1 comment:
jiayoujiayou hueyhsaing!^^
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