Delusional

i think is a come back of me blogging once again...maybe this is a sign of loneliness, where i got not many people around me at all times now, especially frens..being at home now feels weird...normally for the past four years, i'm only at home on saturdays and sundays...and by sunday night i'm usually back to cheras..and every monday would be dreadful to me coz having to wake up for class in the morning...and monday kicked start yet another week in uni...that was the past...and now all i can do is reminisce all of it...it aint gonna happen for me anymore..unless i get a chance to further my studies in the future..of which i think it'll be even tougher having close to no familiar people around me...back then where going to school is almost a bad experience for me..simply of me being lazy to drag my ass to school, and wake up freaking early every morning..back then i was still thinking.."gosh...how many more years do i still need to have this kinda lifestyle..." back then i was stupid enough to wanting to get out of school and start working..earning money...and now..after 18 years of formal education..i'm officially a working adult...

still trying to get used to this new phase in life..i've been too comfortable with my surroundings for so many years..and now its time to get my lazy ass moving..to earn a living so i can make ends meet...dont even dare to think about having extra money to spend..i think i'll be a successful young adult simply by just having enough to make ends meet...that'll do for now..i still have classes now..just no longer in a school setting..and now i gotta bare all of the studying costs on my own...u wont believe that now i'm working my ass off simply just to try to pay for my classes..rather than to live a life...its tough but i still gotta start somewhere...just hope that it'll be alright..everything will be smooth-sailing..

its been two nights since i moved back to my own house..didnt want to sleep until i'm dead tired...if not i would just force myself to sleep, like last night...its different..its not gonna be the same anymore..having to wake up next to someone whom i wish i can see him at all times, like how it used to be for the past four months...it was a bliss but i didnt know things could be so hard..and sleeping and waking up to another day means i'm getting older..and it makes my life as a working adult something i couldnt not admit...yes i'm being purely delusional...this is a phase...life-changing setting..i'm still trying hard to accept it..let alone coping with it...

i kept thinking back about the small escapade that i had last week...how i wish i can have a longer holiday..to be able to rest well, enjoyed more before stepping into the society..coz once u do..there's no turning back..u'll need to be commited to whatever you do..no more days when you just dont feel like attending class so you think i can just skip it, stay at home or go out with frens...no more...if u skip ur work..its either u'll have a terible time sorting out the replacements for ur students..or u'll just have lesser pay...yup..my job is not a stable job...so i better pray super hard and do my best to teach with all my heart and effort, try my best to retain them as my students..or i'm dead..

well yesterday kicked started my new phase of life...that wasnt that bad as i worked at a place i'm familiar with...but later..i'm going to a new place, new surroundings, with new students and new people...just hope everything will turn out okay at least...new challanges today...just hope i can handle it nicely...and my very first time teaching violin..just hope i'll know what i'm doing later..*keep my fingers crossed tightly*

well on a brighter side..tomorrow i can go back to cheras..and i'll be there til saturday..thats at least something that i can look forward to...

okay...i'm going to try to prepare myself mentally and physically now..update later at night on how things goes for me...

ciaoz...