Sunday, January 27, 2013

The Odds

Is it too naive to think that a LDR can last for 4 years? I cant help but keep wondering what are the odds if we did not choose to take different roads two nights ago. Previously i kept telling myself, just bear with whatever that happens until march, and when we see each other, we'll be able to sort things out. Distance is the killer for all efforts. Perhaps, seeing each other wouldnt worsen the matter and situation? Lets say we managed to pass thru this year without breaking up, what are the odds again for the next year? the following years that we are going to be apart?

Is it true that no matter what, this relationship is doomed, not to last?

It was a painful move to make. But i cant hurt you anymore. Things will worsen if anyone of us is unhappy, which we will then affect each other. I was forced to let go. I'd take the suffering, in change for your freedom, your happiness.

I believe my weight is dropping drastically now, started from last week, up til an extend i was shocked when i looked at myself in the mirror this morning while getting dressed up to go school. I looked like a cancer patient. Thats when i know, thats the limit! I forced myself to eat even when i dont feel like eating. My body needs the energy more, especially now, during winter.

I know i must take care of myself. No more being immature. I'm responsible for myself. So what if i starve myself? so what if i became too thin and skinny? nobody's going to pity me. You're not going to care anymore, i know. No matter how much i feel like throwing up the food that i've stuffed into my mouth, i'll still make myself swallow it down. Love yourself, before loving other people. if you dont, nobody's going to love you.

No matter how hard it takes, i'll force myself to walk thru, even if it hurts...

i wish the best, for you... 只要你幸福,快乐,我什么都可以无所谓。

thank you, for the most beautiful dream i've ever had so far.

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