Supper...

so damn hungry now...god...these few days seriously...hungry til cant sleep...after i blog just now..i watched hongkong series while chat with my fren..then around 1 he cabut liao..i still keep watching...then bi called..he just finished working...on his way home..he called me..chat for quite awhile..i told him i'm damn hungry to the max ad..thanx to him that he reminded me that i have bread with me..haha..now i'm eating..i was so lazy to go find food coz i already brushed my teeth..but toooooo hungry ad i cant take it...haha..well say byebye to my slim tummy lo..aihz..so hard to make it slimmed down..and just now i had a super filling dinner,tomyam soup with chicken an rice...and pulut hitam...damn full..now i'm eating cheese bun again..aihz....

The way i are...

back in cheras ad..although am alone in the house..but i'm quite happy..can do whatever i want...so...i came back here..1st thing i did was practised my vocal and pian abit la..then on my lappy and start blasting songs from my blog..then went into my room and start taking out all my new clothes and camwhore infront of the big big mirror in my hse..damn happy la when i see the mirror...haha..nth much to do la..but i'm still happy...

super random shot here..that the day b4 yesterday i was alone at home..so i cooked tomyam noodles for lunch...tasteless....spoilt the noodles..

like this top..just got it on monday...happy!!!=)wore it together with my bikini top...hahaha

see how beautiful and quality clothes u can get from shopping online??hahaha..super love this outfit!!!

not from online...if u read my blog all these while u would know..anyways..i kinda spoil this top..so sad man..the straps went too long when i was hanging it for drying after washing...tell me how can i fix it...i have problems washing off shoulder tops and spags...especially those abit stretchable and heavy material spags....=(

the way i are-Timbaland

thats all for now..chaoz..wanna watch 岁月风云。。。

Lovin Myself...

its 0226 of 27th november now..just finished watching ANTM from youtube..past season cycle 6..i dunno why i'm so having the feeling of blogging now..well coz all the previous post were too emo ad..guess i must lightened up things a lil'...haha..well nothing much to say except that i'm quite sleepy,hungry too..haha..still chatting with rui on the other side..she just came back from taiwan..going to find her next week...hmm guess bi's already in dreamland..maybe i should go there too...til then....

Looking Forward....

every now and then when the image of him smoking pops into my mind,i'll still get scared eventhough its already a fact...and i've seen him doing that with my own eyes..sometimes its really hard to belief..i used to have so high hopes upon him,so much expectation has been put on him..suddenly one day u saw him doing all the things u never ever thought that he will do...sad to say this but its damn disappointing...i had nitemares bout it..its scary to think bout stuff like that..but what and who am i to say?i mean even his family says nothing bout all of that...so..who am i to say a single thing??but whatever izit...i'll still take his words for it...every single time i see him smokes,it felt like my heart just being crushed to a million pieces over and over again...but after a minute also when i've managed to calm myself down, i just somehow dont feel the pain anymore..maybe i'm already numbed from all of this..i just couldnt feel much pain ever since everything that happened..or am i too used to it til i dun feel it anymore...every single day i keep reminding myself of what that had happened the week before..n its really a great big lesson to me..and i know i shouldnt make that mistake anymore..its like all of it had been tattooed on my heart all over..no matter how hard i tried to ignore all of it, a scar will always be a scar,which will never fade even as time passes...
i'm so looking forward to this coming weekend and for the next week..will be going back to cheras on wednesday,will be having vocal class on thursday..then bi will come bring me over to his place to stay..good also la..well get to cook for him coz his grandparents will be away for quite some time..and i get to be away from my family...i seriously dont need them to keep reminding me that i'm poor..well not literally poor as in no money to eat or what..just dont spend on the unnecessary stuffs..yea wtf la..at one point she kept remindng me not to simply spend and all...even have to save on my necessity...and at another point she's there to spend money buying clothes,chanel and burberry...wtf...so she's asking me to save so that she can shop outside??i mean please la..look at ur own wardrobe...and fyi,her clothes has been dominating all the closets in this house..including mine..when i've been away for few weeks coz i was bz studying and all in cheras..and when i got back i opened my closet to find that half of it is full with her clothes...and she's still keeps on buying more and more..every year....i seriously need to get away from all of this...seriously i need a break...to go partyin or somethin..enough of complaining bout that issue. following week will be TXN already..which means bi will get even more bz...maybe i can ask rui to go TXN there to teman me..walk around,catch up with each other..she's not doing that good lately..bi will be very bz during TXN...see how la..if not i'll be staying at his booth most of the time..maybe i can bring my harry potter with me..hahaha

My Happy Ending...

to lala...i'm fine ok..i was out with him since this morning then came back in the evening..showered n went out again..so didnt had the time to blog..to those who care n followed up my blog since few days back,i'm fine ok..i eat and sleep well..no worries...well i can finally declare that we're back to normal again..yes i'm glad and very happy indeed...but according to bi..he said i'm still my old self except that i'm very confuse with myself n everything...haha...now he made me sound like i'm some very selekeh gal...yes although i get confused at times..coz everything's so new to me n i just didnt know how to handle all of 'em..give me some time...i think i can manage all of it...must have faith in him...coz trust plays a very important role in a relationship...in the end i still choosed to have faith in him again..
well met with bi today...hanged out at his place til 12.30 then went out to meet his cousin for lunch in taipan.then we went to sunway area.bi left his car at RacingArt studio for spraying before the TXN..got so many to do before the event...pity him..have to rush everything like mad...then waited for his cousin's car to get his back light smoked..then went to RacingFit..his fren wanna stick TeamStreet sticker but ended up didnt coz too many customers and didnt want to wait..so around 4 something Adrian fetched us back...hanged around at bi's house til around 6 something..then he fetched me home lo..came back took a shower n went out with family to my grandma's house for dinner..so i just came back like an hour ago...
going to bed soon..very tired today..dunno y..been having headaches and i'm abit feverish these few days...

Looses faith,looses all...yet again

at this point,i'm totally angry and disappointed...trust i have for him now..totally gone half of what i had earlier of him...the more i think the more i get angry at myself..i keep wondering..at least i'm more calm n relax today...i'm really tired..exhausted...if its not gonna work out this time...thats it...i'm letting u go...have all the freeedom u want..and all the attentions from other gals...i seriously don wanna give a damn bout it anymore..why do still stay so loyal to u while ur outside enjoying their accompany??..pls remember i'm a girl n i have my own thinkings and opinions and definately feelings...dunno how much more i can take...
headache is coming back again...i slept with headache last nite..n i woke up with it again this morning...i'm definately moving on...with numbness thoughout me......

black and white

i dunno how to start with this post...lets just put it this way then...lots of memories keep playing in my mind..lots of questions popping out...i dunno why but i'm always tired but when i lie down on my bed i couldnt sleep..forced myself to sleep these few nites..kept turning here n there...my hair keep falling..like really alot..well at least my appetite got better today..or izit me who forced down the food without realizing???lost 1kg..in like 3 days...well that i should be happy bout..been wanting to slim down...nose bleed,chest pain,neck sore,it felt like i just got hit by someone using a stick or something...i dunno whats wrong with me..just hope i'll get well thats all...still got plenty of housework to do before i going back cheras next week.got to do the windows,my concert attires need to be wash...havent been practising my vocal pieces and my violin..just dun have the mood to start...yea i know lame excuse...period gone totally hay-wired...whats wrong with me god.......

really tired...but i wont give up!!!

同样的一场日落
同样你还是没说
只是抱紧我
时间一到就松手
你用一万个理由
都比沉默还温柔
为什么爱我又不断退后
你害怕的是什么
你想要的是什么
站在你背后
我连呼吸都痛
我要相信你是爱我的
我要相信你是勇敢的
我烦时间是最残酷的
我怎么等
我要相信你是爱我的
不要当我每次唱情歌
眼里总有太多泪
不停拉扯
我用一万个答案
解释我们的距离
到最后发现
我全都猜错
你害怕的是什么
你想要的是什么
站在你背后
我连呼吸都痛
我要相信你是爱我的
我要相信你是勇敢的
我烦时间是最残酷的
我怎么等
我要相信你是爱我的
不要当我每次唱情歌
眼里总有太多泪
不停拉扯
你怀里有太多问号
告诉我怎么依靠
我要相信你是爱我的
我要相信你是勇敢的
我烦时间是最残酷的
我怎么等
我要相信你是爱我的
不要当我每次唱情歌
眼里总有太多泪
不停拉扯

要到失去时才懂得珍惜。。。

people always only will learn their lesson after a huge mistake...when u lose the person u love, only to realise that how much he means to you...i hope i still have the chance to fix things up before its too late...so please..dont neglect or take the people u love n care for granted..if u love them tell them..before everything is too late to turn back..its too late to regret then...no matter what..i've learned my lesson...i wont take him for granted anymore...today bi find me out...yes i'm happy...希望我不是一厢情愿的人为我们之间的距离已不是那么的远了。看着他睡觉的摸样，觉得好惭愧。眼泪也就这样的留了下来。。。都是我的错。。看着他我觉得很心痛，但我却不知为什么。。我希望他对我好并不是应为可怜我，而是因为打从他心里想对待我好一点。。我希望是如此。。。我不敢要求更多，因为我不想逼他，给他更多的压力与烦恼。。。我也不敢问太多，因怕太罗说。希望我对他的好他会领悟到。。。我会更努力与坚强的面对未来更大的挫折，因为我爱他。。。

cheer up!!!

i just realise that i blogged twice a day since yesterday...although its all short posts...but..it keeps me alive..yup...i went to showered from head to toe..(that doesnt mean i dun shower all these while ok)..i clean myself..i showered away all my unhappiness...i realise..i shouldnt sulk like there's no tomorrow..i mean..not worth it if i make myself look so ugly..life still goes on..everything still goes on and definately things arent going to turn good soon even if i sulk...so i choose to stay normal mood..i'm trying to stay really positive..why do bother checking my hp like every 30 seconds to see if i got any new msg from him anot..he wanna sms mah sms me la..dun want then sudahlah...i cant force him to love me like last time...but hope that sooner he will see my effort n that'll change how he treat me lo..hope for the best aite....

Its not ok...

i just woke up..everyday is a brand new day..everything starts fresh...i made myself think that way...but...spirits all got turned down after i saw something...i'm suffering...suffocating...but what i'm going thru now is nothing if compared to what he's been going thru these years..yea serves me rite..what goes around comes around...karma..yup i've got them all hit back at me real hard...all the good times flashes back in my mind as though they just happened lately..but the fact that they arent...mayb he's rite..i didnt show my appreciation..i took for granted...n it feels like shyt to be taken for granted...ring that bond us together as one..dont mean the same way to him anymore..guess i shouldnt wear it anymore too..it brought up lots of memories...maybe one day he will put it back to where it belonged...at least thats what i hope so...yea cried myself to sleep again..actually its not a bad way too..i can sleep better that way...and at nite i wont have nightmares...quite good huh...i keep wondering..what if one day i turned crazy....as in really crazy n need to go to mental hospital...i think i'm going to be.......

what the heck

what the heck man...went out lunch..didnt have much appetite but still force myself to go eat some before my gastric strikes..purposely ordered tosai coz its small serving...but what the fu** that even the luck is not on my side..it was so big serving and so hard to bite...i had to force myself to finish up everything n i nearly puke...everything's not going according to my wish...so u wanna try how determine i am in getting the things i want????!!!try me then...i'll show u...i'll do everything it takes...i'm crazy but what can i do??..when humans are desperate..desperate enough to kill just to survive...woke up with nose bleeding...swallowed a cupful of blood...n my throat is burning like fire...never ending problems...just wish i walk outside and got hit by a truck..there....problems end.....

torned..but i will recover..

yes i'm broken...i basically just broke down without any warning..i dun wish that i can turn back time or whatsoever...all i want is just for us to be like last time..i miss all of those..i will do what it takes..no matter what i have to sacrifice...i feel numb towards everything..i couldnt eat well..i cry myself to sleep...yes i know i'm pathetic but i'm true to myself..i will not pretend everything is alrite anymore..coz i just found out that everything just gotten really out of control..i will still hold on to it no matter how much it hurts...

他们俩的故事

每当想起所发生的事，眼泪不知不觉地流了下来。
对感情的那份执著，显得好像带来了许多的负担于他。
好不容易的说服了他，好让保留我们之间的感情。
现在的他，对我就有如北极的冰山，那么的冰冷；而现在的我却不知所措。
他说，他也许会牺牲我来最求他的事业，因为没有了事业也就等于没有未来的我们。
我对他说，我不介意一时的等待 因为我仍抱着一个希望，我们一定会有未来。
觉得很累，但是我一直坚持下去，我不想放弃。。。
我不想还没试过就放弃，我不想我将来会有遗憾。。。
也许有一天，对一切的一切都觉得疲惫了。。。
也许就是那时候的我，不再对不属于我的事情还抱着那份疲惫的执著。。。

A bowl broken once, can still be glue back into a piece;but if broken too many times, even the bestest glue cant put it back in a whole.

just got back from holidays at penang and genting....well nothing much to say la..just that i've relax all i wanted and shyt happened..its time for me to get back into focus in my studies...i realise its best to focus on my studies for now..the rest..just let it fall into places where it should be..i'm very tired...words can wound deeper than a knife can...all i know is my heart felt numb..enough said...

rainbow...


penang view from the hotel




can see penang bridge???






after bi's grandpa's birthday dinner...came back to hotel to wait for his relative to bring us out for supper..been eatin alot in penang...




2nd day went to Queensbay mall shopping...in Forever 21..


wasnt in good mood so i wanted to splurge...so bought some tops there..love the Forever 21 there..it was build out of 3 shoplots..very spacious and tidy..the fitting area super nice...each fitting room got its own chandelier...very nice...








the hotel that stayed in...


at nite after dinner..went to pool area to take pics and hang out...




omg i look fat...hahaha...




transparent leg..hahaha




with bi's mom...












Forever 21 top...almost a 100bucks..can u belief that hueyhsiang bought it???its unbelievable..but i love it...


also got two tube tops there...very cheap ler..29 only...hard to resist..


yikling came back from jakarta...bought back kuih lapis...hehe..like it..too bad got pruns..but still like it..thanx lingling..


our new set of uniform for our family...bought by lingling...thanx again oh...hehe

Genting Trip
victor's grandparents got free rooms..so off we went...finally got to go up together...it was fun...weather was nice except for the rain.bi drove me and lingling up...while lala and victor went up with victor's grandparents..rui had class that morning...so after her class her dad fetched her up...we left cheras around 11 after breakfast @ mcd....reached genting around 11.50..







lingling playing with my scarf..acting malay gal..




waiting for check in...nothing to do...


checking out victor's SLR...


i seriously dunno who took this two pics..i was loading photos from my camera after came back from genting..then i saw..


take one...


take two


dunno who took again..was on the phone with rui i think..




after checking in we jakuning around in the room..frankly i've never stayed in such a nice genting hotel before..this is my 1st time..


jakuns...


the four of us so ngam brought our soft toys with us...ling's piggy,lala's hush puppy,my spongebob and rui's lil devil.


sorry...obscene...hahaha




going out to hangkai...but not forgetting to camwhore infront of the big mirror at the lift waiting area..


frens forever...




after hangkai we split up..bi went back to room to rest..lala,victor n lingling dunno gone where...so rui and i went shopping around for her sis' elianto stuff to join the SHE contest..her sis gave her 50bucks to spend just to join the contest..and all the stuff we bought are all ours for free..so good her sis...thanx alot lo!!!!btw i got the shinny powder puff...others all rui...then we went to FOS...we both got a shirt for ourselves...saw something interesting..but not gonna share here..dun wanna gossip much here..hahaha


lingling's socks..werent dry yet when we left condo..so she brought it up anyway coz she ad ran out of socks to wear...










lunch or teabreak at 1st world food court...expensive...went to visit bi's aunt working at the bus station in genting..later that nite had dinner with his uncle and aunt


at happy village in theme park hotel...thanx for treating us dinner..=)




with his pretty aunt...


went outside to take pics...thanx to our photographer-victor chin








@ cloud 9..nice place but lousy music that nite...wanted to club wan...ended up at starbucks after watching catwoman..then when we left we past by safari...crowd was ok but not worth it coz it was already almost 2pm...not worth the money to go in although the cover charge was cheap....so went back room after that..




we were affraid that the platform will fall apart..haha..it was quite scary...but it was fun la..










took it with my camera...nth to do..not a good shot..




@ starbucks...weather was nice...love the whipcream so i ordered a large caramel ice blended...ended up looking at the ceiling all nite til like 7 something the next morning....moral of this lesson is...never be greedy...


only got to sleep for an hour...then shyt happened...well my head will pounding like hell...couldnt sleep although my body was really tired...so joined the others at themepark around noon...took lunch @ marrybrown..popped a panadol actifast...god it was really fast...in like 2 minutes my headache was gone...


went into themepark..not long after we entered it started to rain...we had to hide in this shop..the shop owner giving stupid bloody faces to us that stopped there coz if the rain...as if we bother...hahahaha










couldnt really see my face d...coz the camera shifted slightly and suddenly all decided to pose differently...so......






me and bi were on it when victor took this pic...


bi and lingling on the left side..and lala and victor on the rite side...haha...damn funny la me and rui lookin at them down there when they were on the ride....
















misty and raining ad...was queing for corkscrew..but didnt manage to get a ride...




lala running in from the rain..ahaha




bi said the ride was like waiting to be executed....like waiting for death...choi!!!!!!